SALT LAKE CITY — With the Los Angeles Lakers' postseason having soared, stumbled and smirked its way to a possible halfway point — seven wins down, nine remaining — I must now fulfill my duty as a professional journalist covering a professional team.

I have wrapped myself in my white shawl, shut my yapper, and uncovered three weeks' worth of lost tweets.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: Everybody mocks my Twitter tantrum, but it worked, I found my shot Saturday night in Oklahoma City.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: We weren't in Oklahoma City?

(at)OldManTriangle: I was worried about Artest's three-point shooting, I should have been worried about his inbounds passing.

(at)DFish: I'm still not sure where Artest was trying to throw that inbounds pass.

(at)HomesickAriza: I used to make some pretty good plays on inbounds passes.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: I was throwing an inbounds pass?

(at)DFish: All together now ... "Utah fans stink ... Utah fans stink."

(at)DWilliams: All together now ... "Fisher flops ... Fisher flops."

(at)JoshWho?: Nobody flopped like the Utah Jazz fans in that dance contest in the middle of Saturday night's game.

(at)BillPlaschke: The winner was apparently having some sort of seizure.

(at)DWilliams: What does Josh Powell know about dance contests?

(at)JoshWho?: Hasn't anybody ever watched me working our pregame introductions dance? The Rockettes move less.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: I used to play for the Rockettes.

(at)JoshWho?: Did you notice Ron Artest doing a 360 spin running off the bench during Saturday night's pregame introductions?

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: Those were pregame introductions?

(at)BoyGeorge: Kobe, loved that photo shoot.

(at)RuPaul: Kobe, I need my makeup artist back.

(at)MotherTeresaMissionariesOf Charity: Kobe, we need our habit back.

(at)QuakerOatmealGuy: Kobe, um, my hat?

(at)BrunoKobe: Would somebody please Photoshop a smile on my face?

(at)KerPau: Would somebody please Photoshop Kobe throwing a pass?

(at)BrunoKobe: In the last second of the last game in Oklahoma, I fed Pau Gasol with the year's best pass.

(at)KerPau: Whatever.

(at)LeBron'sElbow: Hey, Kobe's finger, you think you know pain? You don't know pain.

(at)Kobe'sFinger: At least I don't make my man whine and cry and shoot silly free throws.

(at)LeBron'sElbow: See you in the finals, finger.

(at)Kobe'sFinger: Only if you have a ticket to Orlando, 'bow.

(at)BrunoKobe: Of all the injuries I'm struggling with this spring, nothing has been fractured more than my ego.

(at)KerPau: There's lots of time left to become a champion leader again.

(at)BrunoKobe: Have you been watching me since Game 4 in Oklahoma City? That's what I'm trying to do.

(at)ThunderFans: We've been standing here cheering for a week. Can we go home yet?

(at)CraigCalloway: Nobody has hit a bigger shot this spring than me, that $235,000 halfcourt bomb.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: Now that's my kind of shot selection.

(at)BrunoKobe: I've got nine more chances to win a game like that. I will. Just wait.

(at)OldManTriangle: I don't need to watch Kobe to know he's playing well. We communicate telepathically.

(at)InkStainedWretches: When Phil Jackson has a problem with Kobe Bryant, why doesn't he just tell him?

(at)OldManTriangle: You try talking to Kobe this time of year. Have you seen his teeth?

(at)FullOfBulls: This is Jerry Reinsdorf pleading for Phil Jackson to come home.

(at)OldManTriangle: When my contract ends this spring, I am probably going to either re-sign with the Lakers or not coach at all.

(at)BossesDaughter: What are you saying, honey? I've been telling everyone you would coach anywhere.

(at)OldManTriangle: You're just trying to get your dad to pay me more.

(at)BossesDaughter: At least enough for a ring.

(at)BracedBynum: My point total Saturday night resembled a ring.

(at)OldManTriangle: That's not a good thing.

(at)BracedBynum: It's been difficult for me to focus since certain writers in this town inducted me into the basketball Hall of Fame.

(at))BracedBynum: I actually stayed upright for an entire game, I think that's what did it.

(at))RonRonPhoneHome: Who is Andrew Bynum?

(at)FansBehindEveryBasket: Hey Mr. Kardashian, Mr. Kardashian!

(at)Mr.Khloe: The thing I like about all the chants I've heard this postseason is their originality.

(at)OldManTriangle: What would really truly be original is for Lamar Odom to have an impact game from start to finish.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: Lamar Odom plays for us?

(at)TheJoker: I need the Lakers to keep winning, their playoff games are the only time I get to act anymore.

(at)AndyGarcia: Me too.

(at)Zebras: It's amazing how a courtside seat and three Oscar awards give Jack Nicholson license to scream at us like a fool.

(at)MsOdom: Hey, I'm also famous, what do I get?

(at)BillPlaschke: Credit for distracting one of the most important Lakers into a dangerous funk?

(at)LamarOdomShoulderAndKnee: Hey, put the blame on us.

(at)RonRonPhoneHome: Just five more wins and we're in the Super Bowl.

(at)KerPau: Todos aqui estan locos.