Joseph Nuuanu witnessed the crash that killed his two daughters and his year-old grandchild.

He was driving a van following his family on Farrington Highway in Kapolei. They were heading home to Makakilo after picking up daughter Nicole's car. The man speeding in the opposite direction in a red convertible had spent the afternoon drinking vodka tonics. He crossed the center line and hit Nuuanu's daughter's car head-on. Carina was 24. Nicole was 22 and left a young son behind. Their niece, Laakea, had just celebrated her first birthday. Joseph Nuuanu saw it all happen. When the news media converged on the horrific scene, Nuuanu prayed for strength, wiped his tears and told reporters to remind people to drive safely.

That was in January of 1997. The story has been indelible because of the enormity of the loss, the prison sentence given the driver, and the amazing compassion of the Nuuanu family.

"For a moment, I was angry. I hated him for everything he took from me," Joseph Nuuanu said. "But then I could hear my daughters telling me it's OK. Then I could forgive."

The driver who caused the crash, James Steinseifer, had a blood alcohol content four times the legal limit, the equivalent of 14 drinks. He was the first prosecuted under new stiffer drunken driving penalties. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter saying he didn't want to cause the Nuuanu family the additional pain of going through a trial. Prosecutor Peter Carlisle asked for a life sentence and got 20 years, the longest sentence in Hawai'i for vehicular manslaughter. Steinseifer is still in prison.

The Nuuanu family lives in Makakilo in a house that is often filled with grandchildren. There are five grandsons and one granddaughter now. "I've been blessed," Nuuanu said. Friends and neighbors often stop by. It is the house on the block where everybody converges. Even strangers seek him out to ask for his counsel. He says he's happy when people ask him what happened. He feels his daughters there helping him to explain. When others who have lost loved ones come to him, he tells them how he dealt with his grief.

"My faith kept me together," Nuuanu said. "That day will always be with me. When I take a ride down in that area, I think about it. I hope people will remember so that it doesn't happen again."

He had three crosses that he put up at the site of the crash, memorials to the three girls he lost. After he took them down, a group of bikers came to ask him to please put them back.

"I was looking at them going, 'I don't know these guys.' But they told me they ride their bikes past every day and they say 'Good morning!' to my daughters and they feel like my daughters protect them." Other people have asked for the crosses over the years. Now, he puts them up during holidays.

Nuuanu has visited high schools as a MADD volunteer to share his story and tell teens not to drink and drive.

"It's hard because before I even start talking, they're crying already," he says. "A lot of them are thinking about things they or their friends went through with drinking and driving and they're realizing how close they came to death." He takes a sponge with him to these talks. He throws the sponge at the kids when they don't expect it, and he makes this point: "See how fast you have to be to avoid being hit with this? You can't, right? It happens in a second. You blink your eye, and you're in a crash. You don't have time to react."

Jennifer L. Dotson, the new executive director of MADD Hawaii, says the agency is very grateful to Joseph Nuuanu for being willing to share his family's story.

"We can talk about 'don't drink and drive' but what happened to his family really brings home the magnitude of devastation that drunk driving can cause," she said.

"He has been a very strong voice saying 'please don't drink and drive,' and it wasn't in anger. It was a plea."

During this Labor Day weekend, MADD Hawaii is putting added emphasis on their mission. MADD volunteers worked with the Honolulu Police Department on a sobriety checkpoint yesterday at Ala Moana. Holiday weekends are particularly deadly, though alcohol-related crashes are an everyday, year-round threat.

"This tragedy is completely preventable," Dotson said. "Mr. Nuuanu could have his family with him on this long weekend. They should be having a picnic. They should be together."

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172.