Dealing with stress
By Zenaida Serrano
Advertiser Staff Writer
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When Chiyomi Chow and her husband were in the process of adopting their son several years ago, there were definite moments of stress.
"It was hard," recalled Chow, 36, of Mililani. "When your heart is wanting to adopt, but it's not finalized yet (there's) the stress of just being in limbo."
Managing stress during that period and even today is important to Chow, who plans to attend "Stress, Burnout & Bouncing Back in Adoption and Permanency," a conference on Nov. 7 at Kalihi Union Church. The event will focus on managing stress, dealing with burnout and preserving relationships during the permanency process.
The permanency process involves "finding a home and family for a child so they're forever connected with someone," said Danny Morishige, chairman of the Hawaii Adoption and Permanency Alliance, which is sponsoring the conference.
Organizers welcome families and professionals in all stages of foster care and adoption to attend.
"Stress exists as a part of the child welfare experience — no matter if you're a supervisor, a social worker, resource caregiver (foster parent), adoptive parent, a foster child or an adoptee — and any change in our daily lives can ramp up our stress level," said Judith Wilhoite, executive director of It Takes an Ohana, formerly known as Hawaii Foster Parent Association.
Learning how to manage stress is crucial, said Wilhoite, who has fostered four children.
"It's very important for our child welfare community to pay attention to this because we have (children) who depend on us and they need us to be at 100 percent," she said.
Families don't need to make major changes to get rid of stress, Wilhoite said. Small steps every day could make a big difference, such as scheduling in 20 minutes each day to do something you enjoy or going out for a walk.
Chow, a family resource specialist with Family Programs Hawaii and a student pursuing her master's degree in social work, said constantly communicating with her husband and praying together helped them get through stressful times during the permanency process.
Today Chow and her husband have three children — ages 12, 9 and 7 — a son and daughter who were adopted, and a biological son.
Chow said she plans to attend the conference to continue to learn new ways to manage family stress.
Conference speakers will cover parenting as a positive coach, recognizing fatigue, preventing burnout, and learning the benefits of laughter, among other topics.
A panel including an adoptee, former foster youth and social worker will also share their experiences.
Wilhoite said she has found such conferences to be extremely helpful.
"I've been able to fill up my tool box with incredible tools to help the children in my home and help myself so that they can have the best that I can give," she said.
Chow said she's looking forward to the event and hopes other families will take advantage of the resources offered there.
"We all have stress and we definitely don't want to burn out," Chow said. "So the more we can learn, the better we can be as individuals and the better we can care for the children in our home."
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| WHAT TO DO: How can families in all stages of foster care and adoption reduce stress levels and burnout, and remain committed to their children and the permanency process? Consider these tips, compiled by Lisa Letoto-Ohata, a state Department of Human Services general licensed resource caregiver and certified trainer for foster parents going through the state-required licensing process: • Seek help of other team members — including case workers, courts and other service providers — to understand the children's needs and the process. • Take time alone as a couple. Your relationship will affect the relationship between you and the child. • Use available resources, either through agencies or support groups. • Have realistic expectations so you won't be constantly disappointed. Sometimes stress is caused by high expectations. • Understand that everything, including relationships and processes, take time. • Maintain a sense of humor and perspective. • Take a "time out" when you need to calm down or regain your composure. • Pamper yourself once in a while. You deserve it. • Build relationships with others who can provide support for you — your extended family, community or a church group. • Use respite funds that are available through child welfare services; check with your case worker on this. • Be sure to identify at least one person with whom you can talk. They can be your sounding board to relieve stress and frustrations. Sometimes just talking will help. Sources: Lisa Letoto-Ohata and the Parents' Resource for Information Development and Education (PRIDE) Pre-Service Training, a national training program geared toward potential foster parents. |
