RUBBER DUCKIE, YOU'RE THE ONE

Come March in Honolulu, there's one thing on the minds of Islanders: How to launch a rubber duckie down the Ala Wai Canal so it beats out 20,000 other rubber duckies in the greatest race of their duckie lifetimes.

Actually, winning the race is secondary to the real reason we stock up on bath toys — to benefit the United Cerebral Palsy Association of Hawaii, a nonprofit, volunteer health organization dedicated to positively affecting the quality of life for children and adults with cerebral palsy.

We're always down to party for a good cause, and the 22nd annual Great Hawaiian Rubber Duckie race is as good a cause as any. Plus, we love that moment when the duckies are poured into the Ala Wai, turning it from canal brown to duckie yellow. So fun!

The race kicks off at 1:22 p.m. from the Kalakaua Avenue Bridge behind the Hawaii Convention Center. The first 50 ducks and the last-place duck win big prizes. Get an early start on the day at the pre-race festivities scheduled to begin at 9 a.m. at McCully Shopping Center.

1:22 p.m. Saturday (race) / duck adoption $5-$250/ adopt ducks at www.ucpahi.org / 532-6744, 532-6744

OH, TO BE DEAD!

Death becomes them, and how! The film version of "Twilight," the vampire-human teenage love story of the decade, will be released on DVD tomorrow. Can't wait until then, Twilighters? Show up at any Barnes and Noble or Borders location at midnight tonight and get your copy a few hours early. We'll be there. With sparkly skin on.

DOUBLE TROUBLE

In "Duplicity," Clive Owen and Julia Roberts are double-crossing, fast-talking spies who make conning corporations look like the best, most sexy thing ever. And we believe them. Opens today.

METROMIX SPRING BREAK PARTY

Join in tonight's unveiling of a life-size board game at Ward Entertainment Center. Prizes and a DJ from 7 to 9.

COMING UP ROSES

Diamond Head Theatre takes on an American classic with its musical production of "Gypsy," which opens tonight at 8 p.m. and plays through March 28. The story of a cabaret stage mom is loosely based on the memoirs of striptease artist Gypsy Rose Lee.

STILL AS NASTY AS THEY WANNA BE?

2 Live Crew, with most song titles not fit for print (seriously) performs tonight at Fashion 45. Less notable: A Girls Gone Wild film crew will be there, too.

COMEDY CENTRAL

Comedian Craig Shoemaker takes the stage for one show at 8 p.m. Wednesday at Pipeline Café. Shoemaker is part actor, part comic, which explains how he can be the "Lovemaster" and Barney Fife in the same 30 seconds.

BEST INK, BEST UFC FIGHTERS AT MALL

Tattoo and video game contests, a fashion show and top UFC fighters — including light heavyweight champ Rashad Evans — will be at Windward Mall Saturday kicking off this weekend's "Project DisFUNKshion." It runs from noon to 8:30 Saturday with more events Sunday. Check out the complete schedule at www.windwardmall.com.