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With Christmas nearing, toy ads are ubiquitous. However, if your offspring desire anything that falls into the following categories, be prepared for some parental lessons in patience:

ANNOYING NOISES

Loud or off-key playthings are obviously grating, but hearing any electronically generated sounds repeatedly can take its toll. After listening to a "talking" mirror prattle on to our daughter ("You look gorgeous, Princess") my husband and I exchanged glances. Its batteries mysteriously disappeared.

Or how about the automobile set with a "talking" station? Late one night, I was startled when I walked by it and heard, "Need a wash??" It turned out that the station was motion-sensitive, and set off by even slight vibrations in the carpet.

One doll had an "off" button that functioned sometimes. If it didn't, we'd have to endure the whole song repertoire before it stopped. In contrast, one of our vibrating musical toys had an easily triggered "on" switch. It once started buzzing in our luggage, probably confounding airport security. Then there was the musical table which scared us several times when it lit up and started playing by itself.

MESSY

Ink, clay and glitter all seemed like good ideas — until they landed up embedded in our once-neutral-colored carpet. I am all for art, but this reminded me to have smocks and mats (or a very tolerant personality) at the ready for any future projects.

HARD TO ASSEMBLE

Even connecting miniature railroad tracks almost stymied me, so I should have stayed away from anything labeled "Assembly required." Who knew that putting together playthings required myriad tools? The accompanying instruction booklets were so thick they appeared useful, until I discovered they were simply comprised of the same confusing text translated into six languages.

ADULT-PROOF PACKAGING

Dealing with countless wire ties and near-impossible-to-open encasements has often been exacerbated by our keiki asking, "Can I play with it? Now??" One friend's son eagerly tried opening a gift at his birthday celebration only to be waylaid by the fact that the toy was actually screwed into the box and, sorry, no one had thought to bring a screwdriver to the party.

Though the December flurry of gift-giving is probably not the precedent the Magi sought to set, generosity in any season is certainly worthy of practice. Well-chosen presents can create priceless memories when our keiki's eyes open wide with delight and thankfulness. May whatever we give this Christmas bring joy to the entire 'ohana.

Monica Quock Chan is a freelance writer who lives in Honolulu with her husband and children.