People going to the sold-out Elton John concerts in Honolulu in January might want to bring along operation manuals for various household appliances. Apparently, Elton can make a song out of just about anything (not just deceased blondes, as alleged by Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards). He proved it in one appearance when someone from the audience produced the instructions for operating a microwave oven and asked him to put the words to music.

Without missing a beat, Elton spread the pamphlet on his piano and began hitting the keys and singing "You and your new oven, are capable of great things, remember no two ovens are the same. Don't forget it may differ in its cooking characteristics to your previous model. "

It was pretty funny, and when he really started rocking out with the instructions the audience started applauding like they were hearing "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting" for the first time. Very strange.

I played the video of Elton's "Microwave Song" last week on the Charleyworld segment on KHON2's morning news. I suggested that this new form of songwriting could lead Elton John to create even more exciting tunes, like "Benny And The Toaster Ovens," "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Refrigerator," "Crocodile Cuisinart" and "Don't Let The Dishwasher Go Down On Me." Maybe he'll open his Hawai'i concert with a rousing rendition of "Goodbye Yellow Brick Vacuum Cleaner."

To the horror of morning anchor Kirk Matthew, I finished off the segment by singing — to the tune of the "Gilligan's Island" theme song — my own new composition "Danger Warnings On A Can Of WD-40." It actually went pretty well, I think. ("Contents are flammable, keep spray away from heat; if you should spritz a pilot light, your maker you could meet!")

That's especially not bad when you consider what passes for REAL song lyrics these days. There's a entertainment creature called Lady Gaga who has a song at the top of the charts called "Let's Dance." Here are some of the actual lyrics: "I've had a little bit too much, much; All of the people start to rush, start to rush by; How does he twist the dance? Can't find a drink, oh man; Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone."

I'm not even kidding. Those are the actual words to the song. Now, I realize I'm not Lady Gaga's target audience, having a brain and everything, but the words to that song make the instruction manual for a Braun coffee maker sound like Tolstoy. I don't want to dump on Lady Gaga. I'm sure he's a really nice gent. But instead of writing song lyrics, maybe Lady Gaga should drag an appliance on stage and sing whatever is printed on the side of the thing. To the tune of "Gilligan's Island."