The 2008 election season is limping to a close as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week's news that amused and confused:

• Mayoral candidate Ann Kobayashi rolled out her new EzWay plan for mass transit. In a nutshell, she wants to replace the Train to Nowhere with the Highway to Oblivion.

• Rail opponents are driving a van around town blaring train sounds to show how noisy the system will be, but they can't get attention. Nobody can hear their loudspeakers above all the transit name-calling.

• In a bizarre moment at a candidates forum, Kobayashi was accused of lying by a former newspaper reporter who now works for Mayor Mufi Hannemann. This job switch raised the average intellect of both the political and journalistic professions.

• Gov. Linda Lingle hit the road again to campaign for John McCain and Sarah Palin in Colorado, Nevada and Ohio. Lingle promised to finish her term as governor, but she didn't say from what state.

• Next month, Lingle goes to Asia to drum up visitors for Hawai'i. Maybe someday she'll visit us herself.

• A Washington, D.C., watchdog group singled out Sen. Daniel Inouye as one of Congress's "most prolific porkers." They should have seen him in his prime.

• Top Democrats in the Legislature say we can't afford a ConCon because of the state budget deficit, but lawmakers still plan to collect 36 percent pay raises next year. In Hawai'i politics, there's no shame in no shame.

• Scientists say the supply of bottom-feeding fish in the Hawaiian Islands may not be as depleted as was feared. They just moved onto land and ran for the Legislature.

• Two Honolulu police officers were put on desk duty for using their Tasers to zap a naked guy who lunged at them on the street. Poor choice of weapons. The fellow obviously was hoping for a rubber hose.

• Philadelphia Phillies star Shane Victorino is taking grief from animal rights activists for listing Spam musubi as his favorite food. What, eating cheesesteaks would be more humane?

And the quote of the week ... from Gov. Linda Lingle on Barack Obama's Hawai'i ties: "I'm the governor of Hawai'i, and Senator Obama likes to say he's from Hawai'i, but, the truth is, I've never met him in my life. He's never called me."

I was going to say hell hath no fury like a woman left waiting by the phone, but I'd be accused of sexist punchlines.

So let's just say as much as Lingle roams, Obama would need a satellite phone to find her.