Family decisions today about whether to allow a coed sleepover, or to volunteer for charity, are increasingly being guided by a piece of paper.

Mission statements — those company declarations that provide focus and goals — are spreading beyond corporations. Financial planners, psychologists and self-help gurus say it's becoming the vogue for families to adopt mission statements to define themselves and guide their daily decisions.

"It makes sense because family is like a mini-corporation," says Lisa Barlow, a Phoenix mother of four, ages 14 to 21.

This year, the Barlow family freshened its mission statement drafted in 2001. Lisa Barlow learned about family mission statements in a parenting class. "We're not a perfect family. But the statement gives us something to turn to, and it holds us accountable."

The 2008 statement hangs in the kitchen. It reads, in part: "To continue to grow physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, to treat each other as friends and teammates, to become responsible, independent and serve others, to live out our Catholic Christian faith on a daily basis."

The concept of family mission statements became a part of popular culture with Stephen Covey's book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" (St. Martin's Griffin, October 1998, $15). Churches also have taught the concepts of mission statements to strengthen family bonds. In addition, the self-empowerment movement endorses the mission statement as a way to supercharge individual and family goals and resolutions.

Over the past year, family mission statements have garnered attention in articles about millionaires paying financial planners thousands to draft statements that prioritize philanthropic endeavors for their children.

FAMILY VALUES

The Bernard family of Scottsdale, Ariz., wrote a mission statement in 2006, not to carry on any family financial legacy but to pass on the family's values.

"The most important thing for us was to pass on living a life of total gratitude," says Mick Bernard, a consumer-credit coach and father of three girls, one still at home.

The Bernard family mission statement is matted and hangs in a hallway. It reads: "We are committed to living a life of gratitude and unconditional love while empowering others to achieve their greatness and have a positive impact in the universe."

Kim Danger, a family savings expert and columnist for Organize Magazine, listed a family mission statement as the top tip for getting a home and finances in order. She says statements have value whether a family is financially fit or not, because they define what the family will value.

"The first step toward achieving any kind of goal is to write it down, and so many of us don't do that," she says. "We don't take the time to clarify what it is we want for ourselves and our family."

Danger has children ages 4 and 8, so her family mission statement is in terms her kids could understand: "Support each other, keep on learning, be thankful and give back, family first and have fun."

KIDS HELP OUT

Although parents should consider what qualities — kindness, charity, compassion, for instance — they would like their children to embody as they grow up, children should have a say in drafting the mission statement.

"It's important to get everyone involved, and what's really important is to use the words provided by the people creating the statement. They are more likely to own it and live it, that way," says Gayla Hodges, a Phoenix-area corporate leadership coach, who used a family mission statement when her grown children were younger.

Lisa Barlow says in her family the mission statement may be used to set boundaries. When one of her teenagers asked to attend a coed sleepover, Barlow referred to the passage of the family mission statement that defined the family as living out its Catholic faith.

"I said, 'That's unacceptable,' " Barlow says. "We are a Catholic Christian family, and that is an activity or behavior that sends the wrong message about who we are.

"What good is the statement if you're not utilizing it?"

5 QUESTIONS TO ASK

Having a hard time defining what your family should be? Here are some starting-point questions, courtesy of Kim Danger, family savings expert (http://singleparents.about.com):

1. What is most important to our family?

2. What goals should we have?

3. What are the five top things our family should value?

4. What is important about the way we relate to each other as a family?

5. For parents: What kind of people do we want our children to be when they grow up?

6-STEP PROGRAM

Six steps toward creating a family mission statement, from Gayla Hodges, Phoenix-area corporate leadership coach, and Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families":

• Schedule a time for the family to meet.

• Ask each member to write five words or a phrase to define the type of family they would like to be a member of.

• Identify the most repeated words or sentiments and use those to draft a mission statement.

• Tweak the family mission statement by adjusting the language to everyone's satisfaction.

• Post the statement in a prominent spot.

• Review once a year and revise as needed.