Parents: How do you keep your kids safe at teen parties? Join the discussion at www.HawaiiMoms.com

Hawai'i Kai mom Debbie Uyeda sat among nearly 100 parents and students in a packed, humid cafeteria at Kaimuki High School on a recent weekday evening, spirits high, as the talk of the night centered on celebrating graduation.

They were gathered to go over details of Project Graduation, an alcohol- and drug-free event for their teens. The informational meeting also included a sobering 15-minute presentation given by the school's peer education program about the dangers of underage drinking and driving this graduation season.

The issue is something Uyeda has already thought about. Her son Dustin, 17, will attend Project Grad, and Uyeda is also organizing a supervised family party for him.

"I just want to ensure the safety of my son, and I'm concerned about his friends, as well," said Uyeda, 42, a social worker. "I want it to be a memorable time, but I want it to be safe, too."

Grad parties are a beloved tradition in the Islands to mark this major milestone, and thousands of families statewide will be planning them in the coming weeks. But amid all the revelry, safety concerns arise.

Among the greatest concerns: underage drinking, drunk driving, drug use, sexual activity and fighting, educators and parents said.

"Many dangers can result from graduation parties, especially those that are unsupervised and serve alcohol," said Thomas "Chico" Furtado, a personal counselor at Maryknoll School's high school division.

Experts say that by taking precautions, accidents, injury and even tragedy can be avoided. But in Furtado's estimation, most parents, and teenagers, don't deal with the dangers.

Whether you're a parent hosting a backyard bash or allowing your teen to attend multiple grad parties this summer, there are steps you can take to ensure that the graduation party season is safe for everyone — from hosting alcohol-free celebrations to keeping in constant touch with your party-going teens.

"We're not trying to regulate what (parents) do," said Kaleolani Akim, Kaimuki's peer education program coordinator. "You should have a party, there should be a celebration. ... But think deeper, think harder about it."

Students need to be proactive, as well, said Kaimuki senior Traci Taniguchi, a peer educator.

"We're not in denial," said Taniguchi, 18. "We all know that (some teens) are going to drink."

Taniguchi advises her party-going peers to be responsible for themselves. If they know drinking will be part of the evening, they should either sleep over at the party site, take a cab home or call their parents to pick them up.

Don't rely on a friend to be a designated driver, Taniguchi emphasized.

"A 'D2' is not always going to be the right choice because that person might become intoxicated him- or herself," Taniguchi said. "After just one shot or one beer, that person is already impaired. So have a backup plan."

RESPONSIBLE HOST

As part of the peer education presentation, Akim and her peer ed students gave each parent a colored plastic egg with a "party scenario" hidden inside. Among the eight different scenarios: "After leaving your graduation party, someone was arrested for DUI," and, "You served alcohol at your party. You were arrested for serving to minors."

Another read: "You are being sued by a family. Their child was killed the night of your graduation party. You could stand to lose everything."

The activity was meant to help parents understand what could happen if parties get out of control. It was also meant to encourage parents to have an open discussion with their children, Akim said.

Parent Yvette Aoki, 46, of Kaimuki, had a best-case scenario hidden in her plastic egg: "You did not serve alcohol at your graduation party. Everyone had a wonderful time."

The exercise was great for the parents in attendance, said Aoki, a patient representative for a medical company.

"It helps parents, because sometimes they forget about the dangers that are out there," Aoki said.

Aoki is planning a grad party for her son, Brennen Balunso, 17, with about 120 guests in July at a Chinese restaurant, where alcohol purchases will be carefully monitored by the business, she said.

"The dangers at a graduation party start when an adult thinks it's OK to purchase alcohol for teenagers, as long as they take away their keys," noted Leah Marx, executive director of MADD Hawai'i.

In Marx's view, parents should not allow minors to be served alcohol at any time — before, during or after grad parties.

"Research shows that a child's brain is developing into the early 20s and consuming alcohol during this crucial time can be detrimental to their development," she said.

INSTILLING TRUST

Parents can help to ensure their teens' safety throughout grad party season by instructing teens in safe behavior and emphasizing the rewards involved in building trust, parents and experts say.

After the Project Graduation and peer education meeting at Kaimuki High ended, Uyeda, the Hawai'i Kai mom, talked about her plans to have a party for her son in June at Tree Tops Restaurant for about 200 guests.

Uyeda realizes that while her son and his friends will be supervised at his own party, other grad parties he may go to may not have the same kind of careful supervision.

"We always emphasize safety and to not drink at all, but you know, there has to be a certain level of trust there," Uyeda said. "So you just pray that you've taught your child the proper ways, that they have the ethics and strength to be able to say 'no.' "