I'm sure actor Will Ferrell is a fine human being.

On talk shows and in magazine interviews, he seems as self-aware and as down-to-earth as one could reasonably expect from an actor who fills out Line 22 of his tax forms with "100 kajillion dollars."

Heck, Ferrell even flashed me a quick smile once as we were huffing and puffing next to each other in the 2003 Boston Marathon.

Fine, that smile was probably directed at the throng of Wellesley honeys lined up along the side screaming "It's that guy from 'Old School!' " But stay with me here.

To summarize: I'm sure the esteemed Mr. Ferrell is a swell guy and all. But — for the love of Rosie Grier — will someone please Nancy Kerrigan the dude before he makes another sports movie?

Have you seen this guy's recent trail of destruction? "Talladega Nights," his overhyped homage to Nascar, offered about as many laughs as a Bill Belichick press conference.

"Blades of Glory" might have been a decent "Saturday Night Live" skit, if the ore hadn't already been mined with Harry Shearer and Martin Short's old "Men's Synchronized Swimming" bit.

"Semi-Pro," which squandered the wealth of comedic material that was the ABA, was reportedly greenlighted only after other vehicles involving hang gliding, backgammon, badminton and discus were politely shown the circular file. More are in the pipeline.

To be fair, American pop culture is littered with the sticky wrappers of a thousand lousy sports films. But at this rate, Ferrell will surpass Kevin Costner as the No. 1 purveyor of unwatchable sports films sometime before the NHL finals end.

Sports films often fail because they fail to respect the fact that sport itself is grand theater. We are a nation of sports fans, in a larger Western culture of sports fans, because on some level we understand that sports offer a bottomless well of metaphor from which to define our own experiences. On-screen imitation or parody can't stand up if these avenues of the imagination aren't recognized and explored.

Truly great sports films — "Hoosiers," "The Longest Yard (1974)," and "Eight Men Out" — rise because they are crafted with the understanding that sports have less to do with literal winning and losing than with intricate intertwinings of loyalty and sacrifice, faith and disillusionment, second chances and redemption.

And, yes, sports are also a source of sublime comedy, whether intentional, unintentional, or, in the case of Yogi Berra, both.

Where do folks like Ferrell fit in? As Yogi once said: "If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com.