Tax time can be taxing on relationships, especially when spouses aren't on the same page regarding their finances.

Instead of mixing it up over each partner's lack of fiscal foresight, harness that energy into a drive for positive change.

"Make this the year that you have a frank discussion about money issues in your marriage," said Eric Tyson, a financial counselor and author of "Let's Get Real About Money! Profit from the Habits of the Best Finance Managers."

After all, if spouses don't talk about the problems in their financial lives, how can they reach solutions?

The first hurdle is to dispel the notion that discussing money is rude or lacking in romance. The second challenge is to take a polite and loving tone when sharing concerns about finances.

Don't go ballistic when you find a bunch of Starbucks receipts in your husband's pocket.

Resist the temptation to call your wife a cheapskate because she would rather stay with unpleasant relatives than spring for a hotel.

"Instead of saying, 'You're a reckless spender,' phrase the issue as, 'I'm concerned about having enough money saved for retirement so I don't feel chained to my job,' " Tyson said. "It will get the ball rolling toward a more pleasant financial future."

It's neither fair nor wise to expect a spouse to assume all the responsibility for maintaining the family books. Tyson suggested drawing up a comprehensive list of commitments - including paying bills, shopping for insurance and tax preparation - and then divvying up the tasks according to each spouse's talents and interests.

"Put it all on paper so that you'll both know who's supposed to do what and to minimize the potential for misunderstandings down the road," he said.

As partners in life, you will share financial goals. Together you can establish a timetable for the passages you will go through, such as buying a home, rearing and educating children and retiring.

Some spouses feel more comfortable maintaining individual accounts but Tyson cautioned against it, especially if only one spouse is working outside the home or doesn't have access to information regarding his or her partner's assets.

"Separate accounts and finances often lead to friction in marriage," he said. "I've also observed a tendency toward increased secrecy and related problems with separate accounts if spouses keep much of their spending habits private."

He advocates establishing a discretionary spending limit each spouse is comfortable with, perhaps $100. All spending above that amount would require consultation with the partner.

"So many couples simply try to ignore their problems or avoid dealing with them when they realize what's up with their newly joined finances," he said. "Marriage and money can and should go together harmoniously."

Here are some tips on how to approach discussions about financial matters with a spouse.

• Talking about money should not be taboo.

• Take a conciliatory - rather than accusatory - tone.

• Put yourself in your partner's shoes.

• Share responsibility for managing your finances.

• Set financial goals together.