When it comes to making our families closer, deep down we know what works. But too often life gets in the way, and suddenly our close-knit clan becomes a disconnected blur of people rushing off to do their own thing. That's when we need a refresher course in bringing everyone back into the fold. Consider these tips from Woman's Day magazine and www.womansday.com:

MAKE EVERYDAY MOMENTS MATTER

Turn carpooling and ferrying the kids around into "connection time, rather than task time," says psychologist Dorree Lynn, host of the advice Web site www.FiftyandFurthermore.com. "When my youngest daughter was little, her school was far from our house. I made sure to take on carpool duty every morning, no matter what. She was a different person during those car rides. I learned that morning time was more important to her than any other time of the day for wanting to talk and share with me."

REACH OUT AND TOUCH

"Touch is so profound — even if it's in passing," says Susan Hendrick, Horn professor of psychology at Texas Tech University in Lubbock. It sends a powerful nonverbal message of closeness, connection and nurturing. Seize every opportunity to touch your partner, says Hendrick. "Hold hands walking into a store. Sit close to each other."

That goes for your kids, too. Whether it's a hug, a kiss on the cheek or a squeeze of the shoulder, children will get the same loving message.

SLOW IT DOWN

Take a look at the number of solo activities your family is engaged in, then consider cutting back to the bare minimum. You can't build close relationships without face-to-face time, cautions Hendrick. "The family needs to be together and the only way to do it is to slow everyone down," she says, "Mom and Dad included."

Limit kids' extracurricular activities to one at a time — two at most. If you worry that this might set your kids back in today's competitive world, Hendrick suggests reminding yourself what's ultimately important. "Your children will do well even without violin lessons or playing several sports," she says. "They don't need to be valedictorian to thrive in life. But it sure does help to have a strong family background."

MAKE MEMORIES

Whether taking family vacations, acting as a cheering section during the kids' soccer games, or simply visiting relatives together, creating shared experiences is one way to ensure your family feels like a tight-knit team and "not a bunch of boarders," points out Joseph Ferrari, professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago. "Close families build history."

It also gives them something to draw upon during tough times, according to Barry J. Jacobs, author of "The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers," who has studied how families respond to medical crises.

HAVE ONE-ON-ONES WITH YOUR KIDS

Children need special solo time with their parents — especially if they have siblings. It lets them know that they're important and that they don't have to fight for your attention. "When my kids were little we used to have what we called 'alone time' with each child," remembers Ferrari. "One night a week, one child might stay up half an hour later than the other kids, and do something special with my wife and me." Sometimes, they read a book together or watched a children's video.

As kids get older, the tradition can shift to monthly nights out with you and your husband. Let them choose the place and return to that same spot each time you go out. Make it "your place"; don't go there with the entire brood.

LEND A HAND

One of the hallmarks of a close family is the sense that everyone is united in "having the family's back," points out Hendrick. One way to build that unity — and model it for your kids — is to regularly ask each other: "How can I help?"

"It's a way of showing support," she says. Make the message part of everyday life by doing chores together, pitching in a little more when one of you is sick, and tackling projects as a family.