Twins, triplets and other multiple-birth children share a special bond. But these ties can also affect their personal, social and emotional development. Experts say it is important for these children to establish their individuality to build self-esteem.

"One of the developmental tasks for any child is to attach to the family and separate from it, and for multiples that task is exaggerated," says Tom Crichton, family therapist for Delaware Guidance Services in Wilmington. "They are already in a group and have less time with each parent but are trying to find their own identity."

Rather than referring to them collectively as "twins" or "triplets," Crichton suggests parents acknowledge each child by name. Equally important is to create opportunities for individual time, as Middletown, Del., mom Tricia Clendening has done.

ONE-ON-ONE TIME

"From the time I brought the last child home, I established a bedtime routine where I would keep one of the three up 20 minutes later than the others. Then I'd rotate nights," she says of her now 14-year-old triplets, two boys and one girl. "As they grew it evolved into 'child of the day,' where one not only got to stay up later, but had other privileges like making group decisions or running errands with me."

Lynn Lorenz, author of "The Multiples Manual: Preparing and Caring for Twins and Triplets" (JustMultiples.com) and owner of JustMultiples.com, says singling out children is a good idea, particularly where both assertive and nonassertive personalities are involved.

"Each child benefits in that there is no competition for attention and the parent can focus on that child's personality and highlight his strengths. For the less dominant one, there's an added bonus: He can be encouraged to speak and be reassured what he has to say is important," Lorenz says.

Single mother Stephanie Zambudio has stringent time demands raising triplet boys and working full time, so her parents divvy up the days.

"Since my mom and dad live with me, they get to spend a lot of individual time with the boys while I'm at work," says the Dover, Del., mother of 2 and one-half-year-olds.

Festivities are another way to foster individuality.

"Birthday celebrations are really about honoring an individual for who he is," says Lorenz. "Very early on, give each child his own cake. As the kids get older, let them pick the type of cake in the colors or theme they want. Also, take time to find a special gift suited to each child. And sing 'Happy Birthday' three times if you need to, so each one feels special."

"This past birthday I made three cakes based on what each child liked," says Zambudio.

Separate clothes, drawers and cubby space may promote individuality, as will professional (and even everyday) portraits that include solo as well as group shots. Children of multiple births also are likely to want to follow their own pursuits.

DEVELOPING SEPARATE FRIENDSHIPS

Individual interests may be followed by separate friendships.

"I think it really helps if multiples have their own friends," says Crichton, who is a triplet. "When I was in high school, I was in the table tennis club, and it was special because it was the only thing I did without my brothers."

"Until two years ago, my three did everything together, mostly with other neighborhood kids," says Clendening, who has two older children as well. "In sixth grade they were separated in school, so they met other friends who lived farther out and eventually wanted to go different places. But they still enjoy some favorite pastimes together - soccer, football and 'Dance Dance Revolution.' "

Although the Clendening triplets have established their own identities, their mother thinks they will always find strength in numbers.

"When Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast several years ago, my kids were so moved they got together, collected their allowance and then started a Kindness for Katrina fund at school," she says. "Every day they collected money during lunch, and every afternoon we counted the change. After two weeks they raised almost $4,000 for Habitat for Humanity."