Your lonely hearts connection may be out to swindle you
By Michelle Singletary
If you're looking online for a sweetheart, beware.
The National Consumers League is warning people looking for love on the Internet to watch out for con artists whose only mission is to separate them from their cash.
"Scammers lurk in chat rooms and on online dating sites, attempting to earn someone's affections and trust so that they can persuade him or her to send money," said Sally Greenberg, executive director of the nonprofit consumer advocacy group.
The league is calling such scams the "sweetheart swindle." It's a simple scheme, really. The con artist spends time nurturing a relationship. The goal of this online courtship, Greenberg said, is to eventually get the victim to repeatedly send cash.
Greenberg said the group's Fraud Center only began tracking this type of scam last summer. However, it's become so pervasive that the organization says it has moved into its top 10 list of scams. Last year, the average lovesick victim lost more than $3,000, according to complaints logged at the center's Web site (www.fraud.org).
The scams vary but the typical swindler will begin to weave a tale of how he (or she) has gotten into a financial jam, Greenberg said. Feeling sorry for their online lover, the victim sends money.
In one case, a woman gave $35,000 to a man she met on www.Match.com, who claimed he was from her hometown of Kansas City, Mo. He said he worked as an engineer in Nigeria. For four months the two had long online exchanges. He sent her flowers and professed his love for her.
Then the man began requesting money to pay for medical care for his 11-year-old son, whom he claimed had a congenital heart condition.
It was all a con. Eventually the woman took out a second mortgage to pay off the credit cards she used to get advances to send him money.
"I'm not a stupid woman," she told me in an interview. "I have a master's degree. I hold down a good job."
But, she said, she felt sorry for the kid. "That was where my heartstrings were."
Don't be so smug as to think this couldn't happen to you, Greenberg said.
"Scammers are really good at figuring out and preying on the vulnerabilities of the people they are scamming," she said.
The Consumers League says to watch for these red flags:
Greenberg advises that you give money only to someone you've met in person, have known for a long time and can truly trust.
I would suggest that you make it a personal rule not to give or loan a significant amount of cash to anyone you're romantically interested in, whether the relationship is face-to-face or in virtual space.
If your honey needs money, look at the situation as an opportunity to see how he or she handles a financial crisis. When faced with an unplanned expense, does your Pookey have to resort to borrowing?
I'm not saying never give any money to your boo (that's the hip way of referring to your romantic companion). Of course, you will trade off paying for dates or transferring a little money between the two of you. But I want to emphasize it should be only a little money.
You should not be paying the person's rent, car note or any other bill. Don't give her money to get her hair done. Don't lend or give him money to fix his car. These are expenses your sweetheart should be paying without your help.
And don't ever borrow money to help out your sweetie. If they need financial assistance, help them find another source.
Don't take a loan against your 401(k). And for goodness sake, don't borrow against your home. Even if you're living together.
Bailing out your boo is not an indication of your commitment to the relationship. It's an indication you're dating someone who needs to budget, get another job (or a job) or move back in with his or her mama.
