This Thursday, check out the nearest supermarket at pau hana time and you'll see long lines of desperate businessmen, construction workers and other everyday Joes clutching heart-shaped mylar balloons, bouquets of roses, and garish boxes of cheap chocolates.

It's hilarious to see so many clueless guys doing the best they know how to fulfill the romantic duties imposed upon them by the tyranny of Valentine's Day. (And just what is it about men that makes them wait until the last minute to shop for gifts, dress for a dinner date or do their taxes?)

It's also kinda cute. I just hope their sweethearts appreciate the effort, even if it falls short of expectations.

While I'm all for chocolate, I feel sorry for men on Valentine's Day, victims of yet another ancient tradition corrupted by American consumer culture.

Generally I'm opposed to adult observance of celebrations such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and birthdays that set aside a specific day of the year for being nice to someone else. That's letting us off the hook too easily. I suppose some people need reminding, but shouldn't we treat our loved ones with kindness and respect year-'round?

Those TV commercials would have us believe that love and romance are best expressed in grand gestures — diamonds at the bottom of a champagne flute or roundtrip tickets to Paris — but anyone who's been in a relationship for a long time knows it's the little things that keep the home fires burning.

Like getting a foot rub without having to ask for one, or coming home from a long workday to find a hot meal on the table that includes a vegetable. Or the fact he always returns from the swap meet with stalks of tuberose wrapped in newspaper.

Or bringing him a tall glass of ice water while he's mowing the lawn, reminding him when boxing starts on HBO (even though you hate boxing), making sure he looks sharp for his weekly golf game, and keeping a fresh pot of rice ready at all times — my No. 1 tip for a happy marriage.

My husband and I don't spend much time together during the week because he works nights. The man's gone when I come home and he's sleeping when I leave in the morning. Even on weekends it's hard to squeeze in couple time. But I wouldn't say we lack for romance.

I suppose not seeing each other all the time keeps it fresh and lessens opportunity for bickering over petty offenses.

It's not a relationship strategy I would advise for all lovers, but it works for us.

Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@honoluluadvertiser.com.