For the first time, we'll be on our own for Christmas.

Mom and Dad will be fulfilling a lifelong dream by taking a winter cruise. The in-laws will be coming in early December to avoid the crowds and higher fares. My brother will be with his wife's side of the family. It will be just my husband, toddler and me here on Dec. 25.

When I was young, my immediate family would experience almost every holiday together. However, after my brother and I left home, coming together for festivities became more sporadic. Even Thanksgiving was typically spent separately because of how far apart we lived.

However, Christmas was different. On Christmas Eve, our immediate family would always meet at my parents' house, even if it meant flying thousands of miles to do so. The next day, we would congregate with relatives for our annual family reunion.

After my husband and I were married, however, the logistics became trickier. Both sets of parents hoped to spend Christmas with us, but they lived more than 1,000 miles apart. We began divvying up the winter holidays. One year was Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with one set, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with the other.

It meant my in-laws would be alone some years, since my husband is their only child. Plus, we would miss my relatives' annual reunion at least every other year.

Once we had a baby, the only grandchild on both sides, the stakes grew higher. Which grandparent wouldn't want to be there on Christmas morning to see the tot's look of joy upon opening her presents?

After my brother wed, convening became even more complex. Last year, he and my sister-in-law spent Dec. 24 with her relatives, then drove several hours to see our side the next day, after which they trekked all the way back to rejoin her family in time for Christmas dinner.

What became lost in the shuffle with our growing family was the custom my parents, brother and I had of gathering on Christmas Eve to celebrate before the hullabaloo of the next day. Granted, it wasn't much of a shindig, just a no-frills homemade meal, perhaps a few carols and the exchange of cards and gifts. However, the familiar tree would be sparkling, along with decorations from years past, and a homey feeling of togetherness would pervade our hearts as we convened from our usual corners of the world.

"It just isn't the same when you're not here," my brother remarked wistfully when I spent one Christmas Eve at my in-laws. And I felt similarly when he couldn't join us last year.

Growing pains are natural, though, and necessary as each new family creates their own holiday practices. Before, my husband and I had always depended on others to determine the conventions.

Although still eager to meet with loved ones whenever possible, we now realize the need to establish together time and special customs that just our immediate family shares over the holidays.

That way, when our daughter grows up, she can look back on our own Christmas observances in the same manner I remember my family gatherings from years past: as bonding, affirming and foundational to creating future traditions for the next generation.

Monica Quock Chan is a freelance writer who lives in Honolulu with her husband and daughter.

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