When the story of Duane "Dog" Chapman's racist language first surfaced, I realized that my 11-year-old had no idea what the fuss was about.

At first, it was just that Dog said it. Then it was that he justified it. Then it was that he justified it to a son who was willing to destroy his father's career for a check from a tabloid. Then it got even more messy as Chapman — in an effort to redeem himself — revealed more about himself and his family than ANYONE needs to know.

When Chapman said, "I do not believe that that word means what a lot of America is thinking," I realized I had to sit my son down and explain to him exactly what "a lot of America" does think that it means, because he certainly wasn't going to figure it out watching Chapman attempt to apologize.

Somewhere midway through Chapman's description of delivering son Tucker — and a placenta — and getting wet as a result, it occurred to me that someone should have sat down and talked with this guy when he was still an impressionable youth.

It might have saved him and his family a lot of grief.

The problem is that the whole issue has been taken so far out of context that I'm not confident that I can make the right impression on my 11-year-old.

My first attempt led to the question:

"Who's worse, Hitler or Dog?"

Once I explained to him that there was no comparison, and that the n-word isn't Nazi, he veered too far in the opposite direction.

"Oh, so it's like making fun of a British person because of his accent," my son said.

Um, no.

My son thinks that the worst thing he can say to someone is "I hate you!"

His biggest insult is "You're fat!"

How can he understand that there are words that can convey centuries of deep-seated hatred, that there are things more degrading than someone pointing at your belly and laughing, that you can dehumanize someone with a word?

I tried. We talked about slavery, about lynchings and about civil rights.

We talked about racism and how some people can't see past the color of people's skin.

We also talked about how it's entirely possible that there are people who think it's no worse than any of the other racial epithets we hear every day in Hawai'i.

I don't know that he understood why the n-word is the worst of a bad lot, but I do think he understood that it's not a word that should ever pass his lips.

If he's figured out what the n-word is, he hasn't told me. I can only hope it's because I managed to impress on him that it's not OK to say it.

Treena Shapiro is a busy reporter and mom to two. Read her blog at http://blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com.