Let's face it, dads. Mother's Day is the one holiday we cannot afford to forget.

Not only must we remember the day, we also must choose the perfect gift(s) and the right activities for this once-a-year event.

I know, in a perfect world every day would be Mother's Day and the ideal gift would be our love and appreciation. But life is tough and folks get busy and sometimes we lose track of those people who matter most.

So what do you do if you are not sure what to get Mom? I suggest a little research.

It is too late this year, but it just may save your 'okole next year. About three months before Mother's Day, give her this survey and follow the accompanying directions:

SURVEY

1. My idea of the perfect day is:

a. Relaxing on the beach, sipping some white wine and reading a good book.

b. Hiking up Diamond Head to get a good view of Waikiki.

c. Shuttling the kids to soccer games and eating sandwiches at the park.

d. Going to the spa and getting a pedicure.

e. Cutting up bait for my husband's overnight fishing trip with the boys.

2. A great meal consists of:

a. Gently grilled mahimahi, pasta salad and a glass of wine.

b. Organic veggies.

c. Spam musubi, chips and a diet Coke.

d. Grand Opulence Sundae ($1,000) from Serendipity of New York. Tahitian Vanilla, 23k edible gold leaf, rare chocolates from around the world.

e. Whatever my husband enjoys.

3. My husband shows me he loves me by:

a. Spending quality time with me and my bottle of wine.

b. Recycling.

c. Making small repairs around the house.

d. Giving me jewelry. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

e. My needs don't matter as long as he knows I love him.

4. If I could go anywhere in the world right now, I would go:

a. To an oceanside B&B on the North Shore ... and enjoy some wine.

b. To an eco-tour in Southeast Asia.

c. Camping at Malaekahana.

d. To Paris, of course.

e. Home, to clean house.

ANSWER:

If Mom chose letter:

(a) Stick in a Brothers Cazimero CD, pick up a bottle of Maui Blush from Tedeschi Vineyards and head to Lanikai beach for some much-needed R&R. Mom is looking to unwind, so keep it simple. Note: Mother's Day may not be enough for this mom, so let her take the weekend off. If she doesn't come around, she may need a rehab program.

(b) I would suggest Lyon Arboretum or the Waimea Valley Audubon Center. Pack some carrot and celery sticks and natural peanut butter; take a thermos of real Kona Coffee from Uchida Farms and enjoy the afternoon.

(c) She is all about family and doesn't need a break, she needs a medal. I would buy some kites for the kids and head to Hunakai Park in Kahala and let her enjoy her family.

(d) I hope you have money. Still, if Mom has Eva Gabor tastes but an Eddie Albert budget, you may consider a theme night. Think romance; think quaint like Mediterraneo for dinner and the Esprit lounge for dancing. The key here is to feel indulgent without paying an arm and a leg.

(e) Remember, this is marriage, not OCCC. She is OK, you need help!

So there you have it, a simple tool for the less-than-perfect dad to make next year's Mother's Day one to remember. As a friendly reminder; DO NOT administer this test right before Mother's Day. She will figure out that you are a desperate loser who waited until the last minute. Trust me on this one.

Good luck.

Michael C. DeMattos is a member of the faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs and two mice.

Reach Michael DeMattos at (Unknown address).