As most know, I've conducted some very informal yet irrefutable research proving that mothers and fathers have vastly different ideas when it comes to celebrating their respective holidays. Peace and quiet and a break from the daily grind are the order of the day for mom. No lunches to prepare, no laundry to wash and no floors to vacuum. Father's Day, on the other hand, is all about playing and having fun. Dads want to throw the pigskin, hit a golf ball, wet a line, anything that gets him away from the j-o-b.

Based on this research, I decided that a night in Waikiki would be the perfect Mother's Day gift. I was right. Still, of all the things I thought my wife would enjoy, the magnifying mirror in the bathroom would have been last on my list.

Like most women, my wife has a love/hate relationship when it comes to mirrors, and society is to blame. There is an obvious disconnect when you check out the cover of the latest fashion magazine and then look at yourself in the mirror. Who could blame a woman for being confused?

The average model is 5-feet-10 and weighs little more than a push broom.

Susie Q. Citizen wears a size 14 dress and has more curves than the road to Hana. Throw in a bathroom scale and you form the modern woman's Bermuda triangle.

Perhaps a mathematical example would help:

Fashion magazines + mirrors + bathroom scale = low self-esteem.

So why the fascination with the magnifying mirror? Wouldn't a magnifying mirror simply magnify what society deems to be your flaws?

Yes and no.

Turns out, that just as powerful as the media's impact on self-esteem is the decaying facilities of the aging adult. Simply stated, it is hard to put on makeup, pluck your eyebrows, and add a little color to your cheeks when you can't see your face.

Just before dinner, my wife pulled away from the magnifying mirror and took a look at herself in the full-length mirror. She smoothed her dress over her hips, turned to her right, looked into the mirror over her left shoulder and gave me a knowing wink.

I love Hana!

Some would argue that the mirror never lies. That it, like the photograph and the well-constructed research study is absolutely objective.

Those people would be wrong. The mirror always lies because it can never reflect those things that matter most and it can never capture the beauty that lies within.

The mirror commits a crime of omission; it fails to tell the whole truth and in telling only partial truths it corrupts the whole.

Turns out that mirrors have some utilitarian value, like when you want to apply eye liner, get your bangs to fall just right, or in my case, want to clear cut the forest growing in your ears. If you are older than 40, I suggest some magnification.

On the other hand, if you really want to know how you look, if you just have to know how beautiful you are, look deeply into the eyes of your family.

The love that you see is yours.

And the beauty that you feel is within.

There are no better mirrors than the eyes of a loved one.

Michael C. DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs and two mice.