Frieda Takaki has been seeing hairstylist Paul Tamaoka from Bottega Antoine Salon for at least 20 years — and not just because of his way with shears.

"He cried with me when my husband passed away. We cried together when his dog died. He's more than just my hairstylist. It's a friendship, both professional and personal," said Takaki, the president and chief executive of Chart Rehabilitation of Hawaii.

"He's kind of like my therapist," Takaki said with a chuckle. "He's such a great listener. When I talk to him, it's like talking to an old friend." That's why she visits him every six weeks.

There's something about a person whose job it is to make other people look and feel fabulous that allows people to open up about their lives. Tamaoka says while the hairstyling aspect of his job is primary, being a good listener or even a shoulder to cry on is also key.

At a recent appointment, Gina Johnson, owner of Koko Cabana boutique, watched closely in the mirror as Tamaoka clipped away at her shoulder-length black hair. After complaining about several stray gray hairs, Johnson began to chat about her husband's upcoming work trip.

"He's going away for two months, Paul. I'll be taking care of four boys, all by myself," she said.

"How's that different than any other time?" Tamaoka joked, as Johnson flicked her wrist, tapping him on the arm.

LEAVE THEM WITH A SMILE

Like the girls of Truvy's Beauty Shop in the film "Steele Magnolias," many clients use the salon chair — rather than the psychiatrist's couch — when they're in need of a good therapy session. That's OK with most hairstylists. They say it's their job to make people feel beautiful, outside and in.

"There was a client I've been doing for a good 15 years at least, and she's been taking care of her elderly parents. They're in their 90s. She's been doing it all by herself and it's been hard on her," Tamaoka said.

She recently came in for her regularly scheduled trim and Tamaoka suggested possibly changing her style, just to make her feel better about herself.

"I could sense a little bit of hesitation in her voice, but she agreed to try something new. When I started to cut her hair, she started to cry," he said. "I knew it wasn't about me cutting her hair. I said, 'Are you OK?' and she just opened up about everything that's been going on."

It's in those moments that many hairstylists say they take on the role of a therapist, providing a little "hairapy."

"I'm not there to judge. I'm just there to listen and offer a positive perspective. I want them to leave with a smile, and out of their slump," he said.

Love Kenison, stylist at M Matoi Hair Studio, said a large part of the service that hairstylists provide is listening to their clients, whether it's about their hair or about their lives.

"When they come to us, especially if they've had a really stressful week or something has happened in their personal life, it helps them to relax, helps them feel better about themselves. If they look better, they feel better," Kenison said.

For the past five years, Kenison has developed a long list of loyal clients who love her up-dos and dye-jobs, but also trust her enough to open up about their lives.

"They're here for an hour or so, and they get to vent the whole time about whatever is bothering them. By the time they leave, they look great and they've got a lot off their chest," she said.

"We give a lot of advice as hairstylists. It really is like therapy," she said.

Melissa Lee, one of Kenison's longtime clients, said her hairstylist is a part of her personal support system.

"In the five years I've been going to her, I've gone through school, I've changed jobs, changed boyfriends, and she's been around for all of it," Lee said.

When Lee recently was anxious about taking her state medical assistant exam, she called Kenison, scheduled an appointment the day after the exam, and vented a little on the phone.

"She told me, 'You're going to do fine. Come in and tell me all about it.' "

Lee, who began seeing Kenison as a stylist before Kenison officially had her own chair, also looks to her for sound advice.

"It's not that I'm looking toward her for answers or that I'm expecting her to provide me with them, but I trust her to share things with her," she said.

A FINE LINE

Catherine Acena, artistic director for Paul Brown Salons, said that hairstylists must walk a fine line when it comes to relationships with clients.

She attempts to maintain a certain level of professionalism, she said, by not getting involved personally in people's lives — refraining from accepting dinner dates and graduation invitations.

Even when it comes to listening to people's problems, she said, she won't hand out advice, other than to tell the person to respect and love themselves.

"You have to maintain a professional relationship. You don't want to get caught in between a divorce or a two-friend feud," she said.

And she always keeps in mind she's a hairstylist first.

"You've become their hairdresser first, and then you've become their confidant second. Otherwise they might as well go to a psychologist," she said.

Khiet Luu, hairstylist at the W Salon, experienced firsthand one of the awkward positions hairdressers get in when they know too much about a client's life.

He had been cutting the hair of a married couple, but when the couple started going through a divorce, the hairdresser-client relationship got a little strange.

"It was very interesting. I would hear stuff from both sides. I was caught in the middle," Luu said.

The wife stopped coming to Luu, and eventually the husband disappeared as well.

But for most, the bond between hairstylist and client is hard to break.

"When my husband was going through his cancer situation, I felt like part of my body was cut away. Paul was there to listen. He gave me strength," said Frieda Takaki, who has followed Paul Tamaoka from salon to salon over two decades.

"As I was able to share, that in itself was some of the biggest healing," she said. "He cared, he felt my pain. That's the kind of person he is. That's the kind of long-term relationship we have."

Reach Loren Moreno at lmoreno@honoluluadvertiser.com.