The other day I took a shower at 11 p.m. I haven't done that — shower that late — in years.

Under ideal circumstances, I'm in bed by 9 p.m., awake the next morning around 5. I'll either hit the surf or run around Diamond Head before heading to work. I'll put in a full day and get home in time for "Seinfeld" reruns.

Shower by 7, bed by 9.

But lately that's been more a lofty goal. In reality, I'm jolted awake at 5 a.m. by the fear that I've forgotten to do something. Turn off the stove? Go to the dentist? Tape "Grey's Anatomy?"

I lie awake, angry at myself for not writing it down, worried that whatever I'm forgetting is life-threatening and now I've blown it.

Then I'll get up, flip on the TV, neurotically check my three e-mail accounts, write extensive to-do lists, and wish I had worked out instead.

I'll get to work early and, if I'm lucky, I'll leave before the sun sets.

If I'm luckier, I won't have any meetings to go to or classes to teach.

But that hasn't been the case lately. I've become a victim of an unwieldy schedule, one that's so out of control I'm taking showers in the middle of the night.

This isn't, of course, unique to me.

It seems like most of my friends are busier than they should be, working second jobs, teaching night classes or volunteering on weekends.

It's like we feel this unquenchable need to fill every minute of our lives with something to do.

We schedule lunches with clients and drinks with friends. We spend weekends washing our cars, going to baby showers and soccer games, fighting the crowds at Costco and catching up on all the magazines we haven't read all week.

When is there any time to breathe, much less finish the laundry?

Somewhere between the age of 23 and full-time jobs, we got busy. Busy with careers, busy with newborns, busy with home purchases.

I envy the neighborhood kids, who come home from school around 3 p.m., swap backpacks for skateboards and basketballs, and play until dinner's ready.

They're not frantically checking e-mail or worrying about what to wear to tomorrow's power lunch. They don't even know what they're having for dinner that night.

They're not looking at any bigger pictures or putting their lives into some kind of perspective. They're just out there, laughing and playing.

We don't give ourselves enough permission to let go of what we think we need to do and enjoy something spontaneous. We worry too much about how our actions fit into a larger plan to carve a life we don't already have.

We want to make more money, have more friends, lose more weight. The busier our schedule, the more important we must be.

I've decided I don't want to be that important. I'd rather be in bed by 9.

Reach Catherine E. Toth at ctoth@honoluluadvertiser.com. Read her daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.