Posted on: Wednesday, December 26, 2007
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VOLCANIC ASH
News stories took some odd turns in 2007
By
David Shapiro
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Everybody is making lists of the year's top stories.
I like heroic acts, human drama, political intrigue, severe weather and blood and gore as much as anybody, but the stories that really grab me are the ones with odd twists.
So we'll end 2007 by recapping news that amused and confused, culled from the "flASHback" items in my Friday blog:
Native activists objected to a new telescope on Mauna Kea to look for deadly asteroids and comets that could collide with Earth. What a tough choice. Save mankind from destruction or protect culturally sensitive rocks?
The DOE let schools that cut electricity usage keep half the savings. Great deal. They could make money to buy the books kids need by turning off the lights to read them.
The visitor industry salivated as superstitious tourist couples flocked to Hawai'i to say "I do" on 7/7/07. We can make another killing if we keep divorce courts open late on 8/8/08.
Tom Selleck, who once ruled Hawai'i's airwaves as "Magnum, P.I.," became the new star of "Las Vegas." It's sad when even our rugged leading men have to go to Nevada to find work.
Republicans met on Maui to ponder their future. It proved quite a challenge to figure out how to take irrelevance to the next level.
State election officials looked for a new system to count votes. If voter turnout keeps falling, all we'll need are fingers and toes.
A Hilo surgeon had his license revoked for using part of a screwdriver to brace a patient's spine. What choice did he have? Medicare wouldn't pay for the whole screwdriver.
Gov. Linda Lingle insisted her administration did nothing wrong by letting the Hawaii Superferry sail without environmental review. It's one of life's great mysteries how politicians never do anything wrong, but things so seldom turn out right.
A team working to eradicate coqui frogs on the Big Island was laid off after the Legislature stopped funding. Lawmakers were afraid it'd come back to haunt them if they set a precedent for doing away with noisy creatures that serve no useful purpose.
More than 500 people lined up in Salt Lake for a chance to buy 269 "affordable" condos priced from $218,000 to $397,500. Some left when they found out the smaller units had less floor space than their tents on the beach.
Mayor Mufi Hannemann wants a panel of experts to decide if the $5 billion transit line between Honolulu and Kapolei should have steel or rubber wheels. Either way, for that price we ought to be able to afford gold hubcaps.
After a judge slapped a bench warrant on Duane "Dog" Chapman for failing to appear for a traffic violation, he called it a misunderstanding, the same excuse he used for his racial rant against his son's black girlfriend. If this keeps up, he'll have to change his nickname to "Doggone."
At the city's request, Wal-Mart stopped selling "Superbad" DVDs that contained simulated Hawai'i driver's licenses. They should have known that our driver's licenses can officially be distributed only in Cracker Jacks boxes.
The City Council is moving a bill to ban "aggressive panhandling" by the homeless in Waikiki. Fine, as long as they apply the same rules to council members begging for campaign donations. And my favorite quote of the year...from Councilman Rod Tam, on spending $4,000 in public funds to buy meals for constituents: "I'm like a country doctor, visiting and making house calls. Basically, it's taxpayer money, and the taxpayers are eating their own money."
David Shapiro, a veteran Hawai'i journalist, can be reached by e-mail at dave@volcanicash.net. Read his daily blog at blogs.honoluluadvertiser.com.
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