Courtney Young will be sans a significant sweetie this holiday season.

What's the toughest challenge about that?

"Just having no one hot to come home to," he said and laughed.

Kim Sung, single for seven years, quipped: "Not having a date for parties and dinners."

These singles aren't, er, alone. Thousands statewide will spend this time of year without a special someone.

"There's a sort of picture-postcard ideal of what the holidays are supposed to be like," with a warm home filled with your sweetheart, kiddies and that perfect Christmas tree, said L. Martin Johnson, a psychologist and member of the Hawaii Psychological Association. ... "If you're alone, you run smack up against the ideal stereotype and when you stack yourself against that image, you can come up feeling lacking."

But being single and alone doesn't mean having to be sad and lonely, Johnson said.

"The most important thing is to construe for yourself what the holidays mean to you," he said. ... "They can be about friends. They can be about giving back. They can be about adventure."

Having a positive outlook helps.

"I'm just loving being single now," said Young, 26, of Manoa. "It just means more time with my friends and awesome family."

Young, whose father passed away seven years ago, plans to spend Christmas with his mom and brother.

"We'll play it be ear, maybe take it to the beach," said Young, a graduate student at the University of Hawai'i-Manoa.

Young's advice to the newly single: Spend the holidays rekindling old interests.

"The problem with being in a relationship is sometimes you give up your individuality," Young said.

After a bad breakup with his boyfriend two years ago, Young said he found satisfaction in writing and hiking — activities he gave up during his relationship of three years. He also found time to volunteer at a health center and mentor college students in New York, where he used to live.

Sung echoed Young's advice and attitude.

"Fill your time with activities you love and people who bring you joy," e-mailed Sung, 42, of Makiki. "Always remain grateful knowing that life is wonderful and that we have blessings beyond belief."

Sung, a bank vice president, will keep busy during the next few weeks with company functions, movies with friends and family potlucks.

Like Young, Sung cherishes her independence and prefers her single status — especially during this holiday season. It translates to "no tedious in-laws" and saving money on expensive gifts for a significant other, "which means more presents for moi," Sung joked.

"It'd be nice to have that right someone special to spend the holidays with, but it'd be far worse to be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone by your side for all the wrong reasons," said Sung, who used to be in a bad relationship.

Giving hope to singles who are looking for that special someone, Johnson said the attitude that "there's no one out there" is a myth.

"The fact is that there are more eligible singles in every age group than there have ever been in the history of humankind — due to increased divorce rates, the fact that not everyone gets married in their 20s anymore, and better health and longevity — and you just have to make the effort to gather with them," he said.

"Take the pressure off finding 'the one' and gather with a group of them because what you share in common during the holidays is you aren't doing the 'Currier & Ives' (stereotype)," Johnson said. "So have fun."

BRING ON THAT HOLIDAY CHEER

Single during the holidays? Consider these tips to get through a season when midnight kisses abound, courtesy L. Martin Johnson, a psychologist and member of the Hawaii Psychological Association:

Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@honoluluadvertiser.com.

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