Your new squeeze has popped the question: Will you come home with me for the holidays?

Sure, it's an honor to join his or her family for some turkey and seasonal bonding. But there's a funny feeling in your gut, and it's akin to nausea. After all, pop culture is riddled with meet-the-parents scenarios gone horribly wrong.

From "Pieces of April" to "The Family Stone," movies have mostly taught us what not to do when meeting the parents for the first time.

Well, don't choke. Inspired by "This Christmas," the holiday family dramedy now playing, we asked dating and relationships coach Jeannine Kaiser to run through film's most nightmarish holiday relationship scenarios, provide the better approach, and the lessons learned.

Whatever you do, don't comment on the turkey.

LESSON 1: THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU.

Scenario: In 2005's "The Family Stone," Meredith Morton (Sarah Jessica Parker) never stops talking on Christmas Eve. From the car ride to a local pizzeria and back, she yaps on about herself and how she and Everett Stone (Dermot Mulroney) met.

Kaiser's take: Morton was self-involved and trying too hard to sell herself. "She was only interested in them knowing about her," she says. "But you should get to know the person's family. And that requires you asking them questions."

LESSON 2: AVOID A DRAMATIC ENTRANCE.

Scenario: In 2003's "Pieces of April," April Burns' (Katie Holmes) boyfriend Bobby (Derek Luke) meets her family for the first time by crashing onto the hood of their car on Thanksgiving with a bloody nose and a swollen eye. He'd just been in a fight. Naturally, her parents sped away.

Kaiser's take: Be on time and avoid spontaneous or risk-taking behaviors before the folks arrive, especially if you're hosting or greeting them. "Leave your garbage at the door," Kaiser says. "Even if you've had a really bad day."

LESSON 3: KEEP YOUR PAWS OFF EACH OTHER.

Scenario: In "This Christmas," Melanie Whitfield (Lauren London) brings her boyfriend Devean Brooks (Keith Robinson) home for the holiday and into the kitchen closet for a makeout session. Of course, they get caught.

Kaiser's take: Keep your hands off each other, and don't even think about sneaking into his bedroom at night. "If the parents ask you to sleep in separate bedrooms, do it," Kaiser says.

LESSON 4: DON'T ACT LIKE A KNOW-IT-ALL.

Scenario: At Christmas dinner in "The Family Stone," a clueless Meredith starts a discussion about nature versus nurture and how life is harder for gay children. She does this in the presence of the Stone's well-adjusted gay son, Thad (Tyrone Giordano). Stuffy and self-righteous, she acts like she's the first person to consider this theory. Who is she, Darwin?

Kaiser's take: Under no circumstances should you bring up subjects like this, religion or politics. "Always err on the side of caution if you think it will cause drama at the table or controversy with the family," Kaiser says.

LESSON 5: IF YOU'RE NOT RACHAEL RAY, STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

Scenario: In "The Family Stone," Meredith (Parker) takes over Sybil Stone's (Diane Keaton) kitchen to make batches of strata, a breakfast dish that is a tradition in her family, without asking permission or checking for food allergies or aversions. To make matters worse, it turns out Everett (Mulroney) is allergic to mushrooms, a main ingredient in the dish, and everyone in the room is aghast she didn't know this important piece of information about her own boyfriend. Good one, Meredith.

Kaiser's take: Even though Meredith was trying to help, her approach was all wrong. "I felt that was very disrespectful," Kaiser says.

LESSON 6: DON'T DUMP YOUR FIANCEE FOR HER SISTER. AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME.

Scenario: In "The Family Stone," Everett (Mulroney) brings his fiancee Meredith (Parker) home to meet the family and propose to her. Then he falls for her sister, Julie (Claire Danes).

Kaiser's take: Getting together for the holidays made the couple realize they're not really meant for each other. "What he should have said is 'We're not right for each other, but I really like your sister,' " Kaiser says. "End the relationship, get your ex's blessing, give it some time and then move forward."