Learning good manners is being considerate of others and being confident you will be comfortable in any situation.

But kids aren't born with perfect table manners — and they can't be expected to learn the intricacies of being a respectful diner in a last-minute lecture before arriving at Aunt Susan's home for Christmas dinner.

The best way to instill good table manners in your children is to practice them every day. That makes etiquette at holiday meals more easily understood.

Once your kids get the basics, you can move on to some specifics about the holidays. Talk with your kids about what to expect. Make sure everyone is well rested and eats a snack. It's unreasonable to expect anyone to sit calmly at a table starving and exhausted from traveling.

Most parents worry about spilling or breaking. But accidents happen. Someone always spills or breaks a dish during a holiday meal. Calmly blot the spill or remove the broken dishware. No chastising. Good manners are about making someone feel comfortable.

TABLE MANNERS

Stop at the bathroom. Come to the table with a clean face and hands. Remove your hat (except for observing religious practices). Comb your hair in the bathroom, not at the table.

Place your napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down.

Wait to eat until everyone is seated at the table. Allow your host (or the person paying for the meal) to begin to eat first. This is respectful and lets you know which spoon or fork you should use first.

Some families (and restaurants) serve foods "family style" from a plate or bowl passed around the table, or your plate may be served from the kitchen. If you are unsure you'll like a food, take a very small portion, and NEVER eat any food you are allergic to.

Ask for food, bread, salt and pepper to be passed to you. Do not reach across the table or in front of others. Remember to say "please" and "thank you."

Avoid making faces and disgusting comments, and do not sneak the food to the dog if the food is not to your liking. If you must say anything, admit this is your first time tasting the food and leave it at that.

No gulping and talking with food in your mouth.

Family mealtime is a time to reconnect. Discuss school, the news, and sports but never use mealtime to criticize or discipline. Table conversation is a skill that will serve you well for your first invitation to a friend's home for dinner, your first date, meeting future in-laws and eating in a business situation. It goes without saying the television should be turned off.

Leave the table when everyone is done. Thank whoever prepared the meal (or the person who paid the bill). Help clear the dishes and clean the kitchen. Parents, assign jobs to your kids. Even little ones can carry their plate to the kitchen. When a guest in someone's home, an offer to help is always appreciated.

THE HOLIDAY TABLE

There are many very elaborate dishes, glasses and pieces of flatware you'll rarely see, so start with what you might find on a holiday table:

Centered at every place setting is the dinner plate. Sometimes there's a charger (a large plate that indicates the center of a place setting). This plate is decorative and you do not eat from it. A plate with the first course may be placed on it, but the charger is removed with that plate after the food is eaten.

Use pieces from the outside of the place setting first, making your way toward the plate. The best advice is to watch the host or hostess. Wait to see what piece they use. Not only is this polite but it's a big help if you aren't sure which fork to use.

If you're hosting dinner, teach the kids how to set the table: Generally no more than three pieces of flatware are placed on either side of the plate. The knife blade is turned with the blade facing the dinner plate. Napkins are folded on the plate, under the forks or placed in a napkin ring. (Kids, as soon as you sit down, place the napkin calmly in your lap. Do not snap it or wave it like a flag.) Your dessert flatware might be placed above your dinner plate or those pieces will arrive after the table is cleared and dessert is served.

The number of glasses depends upon the beverages to be served. You will see a water glass placed above the knife with wine glasses to follow to the right. Some families allow children to have a wine glass and drink ginger ale from it. Only at very formal or special dinners you'll see more than water and one wine glass.

A few other dishes may be on your holiday table. A bread and butter plate is set above the forks with a small knife called a butter spreader placed across it. Your roll may be waiting for you on this plate or passed in a basket to everyone. It's proper to break off a small piece of your roll, butter and eat it, rather than slicing it in half, spreading the butter and eating it like a sandwich.

After all of these rules, it might seem impossible to enjoy your food. Just keep in mind no one is perfect nor should anyone make a big deal if you slip. Practicing table manners is like riding your bike. You just have to work at it.

JOIN OUR DISCUSSION:

Teaching kids table manners.