They live in the biggest house on the street but insist, "Humbug. Too hard to clean."

He has the most fruitful mango tree in the neighborhood but says, "Ah, this one, make too much rubbish."

She drives a car she adores but all she'll say about it is, "Waste so much gas. And hard to park. Better I sell 'em already."

Kama'aina aren't unique in their inability to take a compliment, but the reasons behind the denial of praise may be all our own. Rather than the Dr. Phil assumption that self-esteem issues are at play, it perhaps is rooted in our unique heritage and historical influences. It's not that we don't think well of ourselves and our stuff. It's just not in our best interests to have others taking notice of our assets.

In some cultures, loose praise is considered dangerous. As Mary Kawena Puku'i writes in "Nana I Ke Kumu," compliments spoken aloud could alert an evil spirit that something of value was there for the taking. Similar beliefs come from the Chinese culture.

In the tourism and hospitality mindset that has defined us for decades, letting compliments stand is as bad as bragging. We are a humble people, or so we are told. We want so much to be thought of as both blessed AND gracious. Yes, we live in paradise, but we're willing to share. We're willing to give. In fact, we save the best stuff for guests and take the leftovers.

Kids brag, of course, as they always have. Especially the ones who do have a lot to be proud of. They haven't learned yet that praise is something to be wary of. They haven't fallen for the sweet words spoken with a forked tongue. But try to compliment a kid who is struggling, who lives in a home that has little and who knows what it's like to compete for the basics. They immediately suspect you're up to something. Wow, you're sure strong. Oh, yeah? Why, what you like me carry for you?

But here's the odd part — local culture seems to dictate that we won't accept the compliment but we want you to offer it up anyway. You have to insist and repeat. It is expected, as is the ensuing denial. And whatever you do, don't join in the discounting and deconstruction. Agree with our self-disapproval and you won't be invited over to the house ever again.

Wow, nice your house?

This house? Nah, I no more time keep it clean anymore. You see over there, how dusty?

Oh, yeah! What, raising spiders?

Pau. You off the distribution list when apple banana season comes around next year.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.