I'm in dangerous territory here.

A little over a month ago, I received word that I was being moved from The Advertiser's Island Life section back to the Sports department.

After an unplanned but dead-on "free at last, free at last," an improvised "woo-hoo-neener-neener" dance, and some burnt (Phil Jackson photo) offerings at my Red Auerbach shrine at home, I did what any highly professional sports journalist would do to prepare for a new gig: I broke out a fresh pair of boxers, fired up the "Pardon the Interruption" on ESPN, logged on to hoops hype.com, and thumbed through the "M" section of my bookshelf in search of "Malamud, Bernard: The Natural."

Which is not to denigrate my estrogen-charged, chocolate-smeared comrades in Island Life, who do their jobs very well, but offering a guy a chance to earn a paycheck for watching sporting events is like paying a duck to quack, or George Clooney to score, or Don Imus not to use skin conditioner.

To be sure, there were some who thought my previous assignment covering TV and film was pretty plum. And perhaps I might have enjoyed it more if: 1) I actually watched anything on TV but sports (and those dippy FX guy-dramas) and 2) I did not base my film rating system on how many ex-New York Mets cameos a film contained.

Or put it this way: I would sooner cover an undermanned Division II field hockey scrimmage than watch another episode of "Lost." (Confession: In three years of covering the show, I only watched two episodes — the pilot and the Season II premiere. Both sucked.)

All that said, you have to be careful what you wish for. My love of sports hasn't diminished because I'm now surrounded by sports and sports fanatics all day. Rather the opposite. I can't get enough. I'm a sports hamster.

Last week, when a little item flicked across the ESPN sports ticker that the L.A. Galaxy wants to sign retired French soccer player Zinedine Zidane (thus making the team, which already signed David Beckham, the MSL's first makule entry), my first thought wasn't "If I cared any less I'd be dead," but "Ooh, I wonder how much fares to L.A. are on Orbitz?"

Will Alberto Gonzalez survive the U.S. attorney firings scandal? Wake me when it's the next administration. What I really want to know is if the Mets are really as good as their record so far, and if Eric Man-genius is going to take the Jets to the Super Bowl this year.

I'm reaching crisis levels, folks. My English 100 classes are turning in 36 final papers next week, and I have a Philip Roth book and a 15-page American studies paper of my own to get through before the semester ends, and all I can think about is how high would I draft Tyleen Tausaga in a college softball fantasy league?

I'm going to need some fresh boxers.

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com.