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The Honolulu Advertiser
Posted on: Thursday, October 26, 2006

It's no joke: New 'Idiot' guide good for a laugh

Associated Press

"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes" has bits from various comics.

Alpha Books

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There's something funny about the latest book in the "Complete Idiot's Guide" series.

And there should be: It's "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes" (Alpha, $14.95).

The paperback, edited by comedy writer and performer Larry Getlen, offers advice for the aspiring stand-up comic from such funny folks as Jay Leno, Dave Barry, Milton Berle, George Carlin and ... Isaac Asimov?

Yes, Asimov, the prolific sci-fi novelist, also wrote two joke books. He advises: "There is nothing wrong with laughing at your own joke after you have told it."

But this book is really about the jokes: more than 1,500 of them, in a variety of categories from dating to death, that readers can use to amuse others or just themselves.

Here are five:

  • "My mother always told me that I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I told her, 'Just wait.' " (Judy Tenuda)

  • "You think when they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter?" (Steven Wright)

  • "Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." (Phyllis Diller)

  • "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." (Rodney Dangerfield)

  • "I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." (Elayne Boosler)