By some freak of nature, my wife and I have the same birthday.

As luck would have it, we also have the same wedding anniversary.

This makes it nearly impossible for me to forget any of the important celebratory moments in our life. Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year are all fixed on the calendar, and so are the major events in our personal lives.

Because we share a birthday and of course an anniversary, we decided years ago to rotate the responsibility. My wife covers all the odd years while I cover all the even years. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how she got the odd years when I am the odd one in the family!

Being responsible for the celebration is a tough gig. The host for each year must plan all of the festivities including any and all meals, gifts, parties, reservations and costumes.

In our early years as a couple, each of us would empty the calendar — which was not hard to do — and plan extravagant escapades that included far-flung travels around the globe, such as Kaua'i, Maui and even the Big Island. Of course, this was before children, dogs and home maintenance.

Early in our marriage, some 17 years ago, my wife told me that we were going out for dinner and that because I had absolutely no taste for the finer things in life, she selected my clothes for me. I offered no argument. I was young and my idea of "dressed up" was a pair of jeans and a buttoned-down shirt.

After my shower and a dousing of cologne, I found a pair of pleated slacks and a silk shirt laid out on the bed.

My brother picked us up at 5 p.m. sharp. I saw him and thought one thing ... chauffeur service! Instead of a fancy restaurant however, he drove us to the airport. My wife had planned a weekend of wining, dining, sun and fun on the isle of Maui.

We had a great time, and it set the tone for the next decade. Each year we tried to outdo each other with bigger and better holidays.

If you do the math, then you know that 2006 is my year. Like bygone years, I cleared out the calendar (which took an act of Congress) but I did not pull out all the stops. You see, something funny happened on the way to our 40s. It is called "life."

No, we have not lost our passion for life, nor have we hit some kind of mid-life rut. It is just that life has gotten so much more complex and our values have changed. I suspect that we are not alone in this.

Instead of stuffing each free moment to the gills, we leave things open. Instead of filling, we are clearing — and it is liberating.

I will never forget our anniversary or our birthday(s), and there still may be some globetrotting in our future. Life has changed, run now by Palm Pilots and cell phones, and holidays have changed too. A holiday to me is simply turning off the gadgets and spending quiet time with those I love.

The last thing I need is more things to do.

As we near our 20th anniversary the challenge has shifted; it's all about making time and clearing space.

I am looking forward to being outdone.

Michael C. DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter and two dogs.