In his latest move to translate his best work as a drug court judge to his job as lieutenant governor, James "Duke" Aiona led a news conference to announce a new hot line where you can rat out underage drinkers and the folks who provide them with booze.

An idea with good intentions but — sigh — with all the teeth of a geriatric chihuahua guarding a big yard in a bad neighborhood.

Let's say your next-door neighbor is holding a grad party for his kid and you notice through the jalousies that the Bud is flowing like water.

So you call the new hot line. 523-4194.

And then what happens? After four rings, a machine picks up with this message:

"You have reached the liquor commission 24-hour complaint and underage drinking hot line. If your complaint involves the violation of the law that is occurring now — for example, underage youths being served or consuming liquor — please call the Honolulu Police Department at 911."

Call 911?! Did we need a recorded message on a different number to tell us to do what we were doing anyway?

Ostensibly, if you found an invitation in your kid's school bag that said, "Come to John's grad nite beer-bong party next Saturday at this certain certain place at this certain certain time," then you could call and give the booze squad a heads-up. But this isn't CrimeStoppers. You have to leave your name:

"For all other complaints, please leave your name, address, phone number and details about the problem. We often find that if we cannot contact the person leaving information, it is difficult or impossible to investigate the matter. Your complaint and contact information will be kept confidential."

So just calling in a suspicion is a big commitment.

In the age of blogs and chats, cell phones that shoot video and rapid-fire text messaging, do hot lines even work anymore? Anonymous postings reveal more dirt and provoke more reaction.

What's the use of a hot line that isn't hot? Immediacy is the key. Beer bottles can be stashed in an instant. Drinking teenagers can scatter like roaches when you turn on the light.

If the hot line were really a hot line, with a dispatcher to talk to and an enforcement team at the ready to swoop down on kids drinking in beach parks or school parking lots or daddy's garage or Sweetie's Lounge, then fine. Geev'um. But we already had that, right? Maybe what we need is a hot line to report corrupt liquor commissioners, since that department hasn't been able to effectively clean house after swearing it was time to clean house.

Or a hot line hot line, where you could call to report superfluous hot line and no-make-difference government initiatives.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.