Here are some tips for having a happy child:

1. If you're married, have a more active relationship with your spouse than with your children. Spend more time in the roles of husband and wife than you spend in the roles of mother and father. Nothing causes a child greater insecurity than the sense that his parents' marriage is not the most solid, permanent thing in his life, and vice versa.

2. If you are single, do not be married to your children. Have an active life outside of your role as mother or father. Be an interesting person to your kids. The well-being of a single parent is essential to that of his or her children.

3. Expect your children to obey. Expect this calmly, as if you take their obedience for granted. Who is the happier employee: the one who frequently attempts to get away with breaking the rules, or the one who obeys the rules? Substitute child for employee and the answer is the same.

4. Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. From the time they are 3, assign them to do chores around the home — chores that mean something. Teach your 3-year-old to wash floors. Teach your 4-year-old to vacuum. Teach your 5-year-old to clean the bathroom. Good citizenship is a matter of making contributions. Too many of today's kids have no meaningful roles in their families. They're just there, consuming, and the more they consume, the more they demand.

5. Teach your children that happiness is not a matter of how much you have, but a matter of how much you do with what you have. Don't buy them a lot of things that will end up doing nothing but cluttering up their lives.

6. Teach your children that two of the most fun things to do are reading and traveling, both of which involve the accumulation of memories as opposed to things. Read to your children early and often. Every time you are inclined to buy your child a toy, consider instead taking him or her fishing or camping or to a museum. Spend time, not money.

7. Let television and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all. The happiest children are not found staring at TV sets. They are found in parks, on playgrounds, and in other three-dimensional places.

8. Help your children develop hobbies. Few things exercise imagination and creativity as well as a hobby. By the way, a hobby is not an after-school sport. A hobby is something a child can do by himself, eventually without adult supervision.

9. Teach your children good manners. Good manners are a demonstration of attentiveness to and respect for others, and the happiest people are those who pay more attention to others than they want others to pay to them.

10. Hold your children to high standards. You show respect for a child by expecting of the child. Expect the best manners. Expect the best schoolwork your child is capable of. Expect your child to pitch in around the house. Hold your child accountable for his behavior. Happy campers always do their best.

Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions at www.rosemond.com.