Think you know the Rules of Golf backward and forward? Want to rub shoulders with some of the best players and travel the globe?

Don't mind deferring to a precocious 16-year-old or getting your pink slip over the phone?

Then, being Michelle Wie's caddie could be just the job for you.

And, as luck would have it, there's an opening now that Greg Johnston has been fired 10 months into the job following the British Women's Open fiasco.

The requirements of the position are fairly straight forward: Carry the clubs, help Wie read putts when allowed, make sure she drinks plenty of fluids, avoid embarrassing penalties and disqualifications. It reportedly pays well, though job security isn't encouraging with caddies changed almost as often as earrings.

With Wie's father, BJ, apparently out of the running for a comeback, the field would appear to be wide open. So, while Team Wie sifts through the applications, here are a few names that should not be overlooked:

Maurice Clarrett. Already has the necessary bullet-proof vest. However, his availability for the next 5-10 years could be an issue.

The Orkin Man. Knowledge of golf might be questionable, but would be great at keeping the bugs at bay during the John Deere Classic.

Pinocchio. A puppet. What could be better?

Michael Bamberger. Has prior experience as a caddie and clearly knows the rules about drops. And he owes Michelle one.

Tonya Harding. No more lip from Morgan Pressel if Tonya is on the bag. But there might be a couple of, uh, other implements in it.

Larry Brown. Changes jobs so frequently anyway nobody would know if he got fired.

Carolyn Bivens. Embattled LPGA Tour commissioner could be looking for new work real soon.

Zinedine Zidane. Could headbutt the next LPGA official who tries to disqualify Michelle.

Brad Pitt. With him as a distraction, chances are the other LPGA players and gallery wouldn't notice if Wie hit moss or where she drops.

Justin Gatlin. No worries about having to wait for your caddie to catch up when he is a world record holder in the 100 meters. And, they don't drug test caddies, do they?

Dr. Phil. Golf knowledge remains to be seen but available to advise on other crises.

Ashley Lelie. Isn't doing anything these days and at $14,000-a-day in fines for not reporting, could probably use the bucks real soon.

Johnny Miller. Knows everything about golf.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@honoluluadvertiser.com or 525-8044.