If Valerie Trammel learned anything as former head of Wilmington, Del.'s, cultural affairs office, it's how not to decline an invitation to a weekend office party, company picnic or employee baseball game.

That's because she heard all the excuses herself after eight years in a public-sector job that required lots of off-the-clock socializing.

"People will do anything to be able to sit at home and veg," said Trammel, who now runs her own communications company, Trammel Communications in Wilmington. "Usually, they kill off a relative. It's, 'Oh, my grandmother died.' Sometimes they killed off the same relative more than once."

Not that Trammel blames people for turning down an offer to socialize outside the office. She agrees with work-life experts that white lies are the result of the falling boundaries between work and leisure. Corporate retreats, holiday parties, company barbecues, golf tournaments, pool parties, adventure outings — anything that is held off site and after hours — create stress for people who'd rather be on the beach — or on the couch, experts said.

While these events are designed by management to motivate the troops, boost morale and build team spirit, they actually can have the opposite effect. Although activities are sometimes billed as voluntary, many employees believe the unspoken rule is: "Attendance required."

"People go out of fear because they think they're going to be perceived as being disloyal if they don't go. If they want to stay home, they feel guilty. So they come up with excuses that are not true," said Chris Ortiz, owner of Kaizen Assembly, a manufacturing efficiency consulting company in Winston-Salem, N.C.

No matter how much a company event is pitched as a let-your-hair-down affair, it's work, experts said. People know they must adopt a kind of businesscasual demeanor. Who hasn't heard stories about a co-worker who knocked back one too many beers at the Christmas party and insulted the guests?

Bonnie Michaels, a work-life consultant and president of Managing Work and Family Inc. in Naples, Fla., said that while management plans off-hours events in good faith, most employees would rather have the time off.

"They're meant to be fun," Michaels said. "But for me, it meant arranging all kinds of things to be away. If you're already tired, it's one more thing to do. And then when you get there you have to be laughing all the time and social."

Part of this reluctance to get off the couch on a Saturday afternoon to dress for a company party is the result of ever-increasing demands from the office. Not only is the 9-to-5 workday a quaint memory, but it's no longer taboo to call a worker when she's on vacation or at home with the flu.

"Technology is partly to blame," Michaels said. "People feel pressured to answer the phone even when they're walking on the beach. It does make people feel important, but it's emotionally draining to be constantly on call."

This is why work-life experts recommend setting firm boundaries between work and play.

"People are always going to use your time if you allow them," Michaels said.

But building fences also can create hard feelings.

"I remember going to this retreat and they had all these choices, like riding in a hot-air balloon, horseback riding and volleyball. I just wanted to get on a bicycle and go out alone. I'm sure the group thought I was antisocial. But I just wanted to be alone," Michaels said.