When volunteers from Kaimuki Christian Church asked what they could do to help out at Queen Lili'uokalani Elementary School, they were surprised by the answer.

They had expected to paint a classroom or do other maintenance work, but instead were asked to befriend lonely children on campus.

"Pastor Ron (Arnold) and I both got chicken skin and thought we could do that," said Jay Jarman, who went on to found Common Grace, an organization that connects church volunteers with lonely school children across O'ahu.

While the Common Grace volunteers are members of churches near the schools they are helping, religious beliefs are not part of the program.

"The churches have to understand that there's no religious instruction and they're not going to be praying with the kids on campus or even inviting them to summer school," Jarman said. "They're just going to serve and show compassion and interest in the kids who need it the most."

Common Grace volunteers spend an hour a week with children identified by the school as needing additional adult attention. Usually the time is spent on campus during breakfast, lunch or after school.

Volunteers listen to the children for 15 minutes, then read or do homework for a half-hour, then play for 15 minutes to make it fun enough to keep the kids coming back.

Listening is key. "Hardly any of us know how to really listen to children," Jarman said.

He thinks learning to listen to kids on the fringes can help prevent tragedies like the school shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado.

Stephanie Hara, who volunteers at Pearl Ridge Elementary, said the relationship with the child she worked with last year was "just like being an auntie, being there for them and spending time for them."

Because of the volunteers' work schedules, the group meets at a fast-food restaurant one evening a week. "We really spend time with the child one-on-one. We sit in our own section, we talk, we let them do homework or read to them and we play and have fun," she said.

Hara said the volunteers are not told why the children are picked for the program, other than that they need one-on-one interaction.

Hara, who was partnered with a first-grader, was surprised at the openness the girl displayed from the beginning. "She just openly called me Auntie Steph," she said. "She's really open, she's loving. She was so excited to spend time with me."

For Hara, the benefit is being able to reach out and let a child know he or she is loved and cared about. "You'd be surprised at the response you get from a child when they know someone cares, that they're loved, that someone is paying attention to them," she said. "The meanest-looking child will completely turn around and be open and loving when they know you care."

Chris Johnson, a pastor at Kaimuki Christian Church, said the reward for him is knowing that he's making a difference. "We're more like buddies (than tutors), and we help them with any kind of emotional problems they have," he said. "We just try to be their friend."

The children seem to appreciate the attention. "The kids right away love having that kind of relationship with an adult other than their family, an adult that cares for them and wants to help them out," Johnson said.

Common Grace is in 14 schools, Jarman said. For details, visit www.commongrace.org.

Reach Treena Shapiro at tshapiro@honoluluadvertiser.com.