The city is going to pay how much to house Shaka Santa?!

$24,092 per month.

$289,104 a year.

Yikes, where he renting, Hawai'i Loa Ridge?

For years, Santa hung out rent-free in an old military warehouse, but then the place was sold and bruddah had to move.

You know how that is.

At first, city officials were saying it was going to cost around $600,000 a year to keep a roof over Santa's Styrofoam and cement head. Next to that, $289,104 looks like a deal.

But yikes!

Who does he think he is, Rusti?

Eh, had a house in Wai'anae in Sunday's real estate pages selling for less that that. The city can't just buy the place for Santa and his 'ohana? At least can build equity.

Here's the classic government dilemma, where grand ideas crash land on the dirt road of reality: It's one thing to buy stuff, it's quite another to find the money year after year to keep stuff up.

Like swimming pools.

And fountains.

And soccer complexes.

The city's downtown Christmas decorations have become a beloved tradition. Every year, they're bigger and better. But the more decorations you have, the harder it is to store that stuff during the rest of the year.

Ask Daddy.

You know those choke boxes Mama has in the garage marked "X-mas"? The ones you have to move around every time you need to get the folding card table? That's nothing next to Santa-dem. He's 21 feet high, 15 feet wide and weighs 3,500 to 4,000 pounds. Plus, he has the rest of the crew.

But plenty Hawai'i families living 10, 12, 15 to a crackerbox house. If they can, he can. And he doesn't even have to stress about sharing a bathroom.

Maybe Santa-dem could live in Aloha Stadium. That would help fill up the lonely stands at UH football games.

Or Santa could float around the Natatorium during his off-months. He can't catch lepto or salmonella or whatever is in that murky water. And the tourists would love peeking in there and seeing Santa enjoying the rays. That might take some of the picture-taking pressure off Duke Kahanamoku's statute so bruddah Duke can turn around and face the ocean.

Or Santa could be the mayor's representative at Neighborhood Board meetings. Everyone could take a turn hosting him in a community center. He could have a voice chip that says, "I'll check on that and get back to you." Put him to work on the off-season.

Windward Mall has lots of empty space.

Or, as Councilwoman Ann Kobayashi suggested, just leave 'em where he's at. Hang eggs off his pinky at Easter. Drape plumeria on his arms for May Day. Dress him like a ninja or a ballerina for Halloween.

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.