Growing up in Maui, we had our own unwritten rules of grammar.

If that sentence looks weird to you, perhaps you, too, are familiar with the code:

It's "on Maui," not "in Maui."

WHY? (OR SHOULD I SAY, "HOW COME?")

Because Maui is an island, so if you live there, you live on it, not in it. Half the time, you don't even bother with a preposition while speaking: "I live Maui." "We going Kaua'i." "He moved Hilo." Like that.

So when a story ran that included the phrase "talk of the town in Moloka'i," I thought for sure some editor had monkeyed with the piece.

Ai-ya. Was me.

"Did you intend to write 'in Moloka'i?' " he asked.

Oops! Hala!

"For me, it's always been one surefire way to identify a Mainlander to note how they refer to being here."

Jan was able to put the rule into words:

"My standard is 'in' generally refers to political distinctions, and 'on' is used for specific islands.

In Hawai'i (state), on Hawai'i (island).

In Lihu'e, on Kaua'i.

In Honolulu, on O'ahu.

In Maui County, on Maui.

... I think this generally works on the Mainland, too.

In the Keys, on Key Largo.

In New York, on Long Island."

Smart, him, no?

Then there's up/down issues:

If you live on Maui, you go "up Pukalani" and "down Kahului." That's easy.

But if you travel between Maui and O'ahu, are you going "up Honolulu" and "down Maui?"

If you leave Maui go to college in California, are you living "up Mainland?"

And the really tricky one — if you live Hilo and relocate to Wailuku, are you moving "up Maui" or "down?"

It's not always a directional issue but also one of status. Perceived status. What you think of where you came from and what you think of where you're going.

People jockey for position for their home island in talking:

"So how long will you be down Maui?"

"I'll be up Maui couple three weeks."

"Couple three weeks? That's a long time to be down Maui."

"Nah, get plenty going on up in Maui. On Maui. Up Maui. Whatevers."

"It's down, brah."

"Only if you waking up in the bushes off Front Street on the morning of November first. Other than that, everything in and on the island is up and up."

The nonconfrontational response is:

"I going Maui."

"Where Maui?"

"Upcountry."

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.