It occurred to me, as I watched scores of grown men go ape-dookie over last month's Xbox 360 launch, that I'm hopelessly disconnected.

This is probably not a great admission for a so-called pop-culture writer to make, but, really, this pan-national, cross-generational obsession with video games escapes me — and not just because I'm an aging snot with the eye-hand coordination of Robbie the Robot.

According to the NDP Group, the video-game industry took in nearly $10 billion in retail sales last year. Seriously. Ten billion smackers! For video games!

Reservations aside, I employed due diligence researching a story on the Xbox launch: I examined the specs, talked to video-game analysts (I can't believe I just typed that) and spent hours walking store aisles listening to guys debate the relative merits of "Halo 2."

I even took a turn playing "Call of Duty 2" at one of the big chain stores. The graphics were impressive, from the peeling paint on the bombed-out buildings to the tiny clouds of dust and sand kicked up by zinging enemy bullets, but all I could think was, "How do you get SportsCenter on this thing?"

Maybe my brain needs rewiring, but I just don't get the attraction.

Virtual war experience? Not until they release "Pinko Peacenik II: Flee to Canada."

Sword-and-sorcery role-playing games with 100-hour storylines? I fell asleep during the second "Lord of the Rings" movie.

The sports games are cool, but if I really want to pretend to be Allen Iverson, I'd rather delude myself on a real court than sit crossed-legged in the living room trash-talking the cat.

I'm not even sure I understand the big emphasis on making games seem true to life. If verisimilitude is what it's about, how about this: You get shot, it's game over — forever. Toss the cartridge and hope for a pleasant digital afterlife.

This is no knock on guys (and women) who live a full and satisfying life behind the joystick. We're way past the point when video games were dismissed as niche fun for dateless dorks.

These days, pro athletes fire up the PlayStation 2 in the locker room before games. Movie-goers turn out for cinematic adaptations of "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" and "Resident Evil."

I just never made that revolutionary conversion from stand-up arcade games and Atari to sophisticated home consoles and games that don't cause seizures.

Bottom line: Video games are fine for some, but I prefer more sophisticated entertainment. Now, um, if you'll excuse me, there's a SportsCenter rerun to watch.

Reach Michael Tsai at mtsai@honoluluadvertiser.com.