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SHAPE UP |
Is your loved one harboring several extra pounds? Have you wanted to say something for the longest time, but were afraid of starting World War III? If so, you're not alone.
There are millions of people who care about their family members or significant others and don't want to see them at increased risk for diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, sleep apnea or any of the many other problems related to being overweight. If you are one of them, what should you do?
You can start by telling your partner he or she is overweight. A study done at the University of Colorado Health Science Center and reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition indicates that for most weight-loss maintainers, success was preceded by a "trigger event or critical incident." This could be something as simple as a comment from you that acts as a wake-up call.
Gerard J. Musante, of Structure House in Durham, N.C., says, "This conversation can spark a wide range of reactions — anything from crying to withholding affection to walking out the door." But done right, it won't cause permanent harm.
Here are a few tips to help you save your partner's life while keeping your relationship intact.
Expert advice: New York City psychologist Jennifer L. Hartstein says to pick a time when you can both fully focus on the conversation, then express how important your partner is in your life and the health concerns that you have, highlighting weight loss. "You may want to validate how difficult changing can be and offer to be a primary source of support," she adds.
Expert advice: "Your own 'selfish motivations' cannot be overlooked," says Hartstein. "There are many dimensions to the relationship, and it's OK to talk about the physical dimension, and how physical appearance may affect how attracted you feel toward your partner. Delamater says the key is to do this from a position of love and respect."
However, some experts believe that you need to find a reason other than appearance for this discussion to go well.
Expert advice: Stop. Become part of the solution, not the problem.
Expert advice: Lead by example. Maybe you can simply start living a "clean and healthy" life yourself — without saying a word.
Expert advice: "If you want your partner to adopt more healthy habits, arrange activities together, such as walking, riding bikes, playing tennis, etc.," says Delamater. You can also do the food shopping together, take healthy cooking classes, create healthy snack ideas, share recipes.
Expert advice: Delamater says, "Make sure that the plan is one for which your partner has taken responsibility, rather than one that is essentially yours and to which he or she has simply agreed. It's critical that the overweight partner be motivated to achieve his or her own self-generated goals."
Charles Stuart Platkin is a nutrition and public-health advocate, and author of "Breaking the FAT Pattern" (Plume, 2006). Sign up for the free Diet Detective newsletter at www.dietdetective.com.
