My daughter invited her good friend to the house for a sleepover a couple of weeks ago.

The night went well and followed preteen sleepover protocol to a T. They played a lot, laughed a lot and slept a little. The next day, it was off to the movies and then back home for good friend. The only thing hanging in the balance was drop-off and pickup. That's when the fun started.

You see, my daughter's very good friend comes from a very big family, at least by modern standards. When good friend called home, younger brother answered and refused to hand the phone over to good friend's mom. What ensued came right out of an Abbott and Costello skit.

Good friend, also being a good sister, first tried kindness, but when that failed she went straight to idle threats: "You wait until Mom hears about this, you're gonna get it."

When that failed and he hung up on her, she enlisted the help of my daughter.

First, my daughter called, "Hello, this is Pizza Hut, we have an order for a large pizza, can I speak to your mother?"

Click!

Then good friend dialed home and said, "Hello, this is Sears delivery, we have an order for some new toys, can I speak to your mother please."

Click!

By this time, my daughter and good friend were in hysterics, as was little brother. Understandably then, their next call had no chance of success when, through snorts and chortles, good friend said in her best 11-year-old baritone, "Hello, this is the cops and we have a report of a troublemaking kid-brother who is unwilling to hand over the phone to his mother."

Click!

No, nothing seemed to work. Little brother was more stubborn than a piece of popcorn lodged between two teeth.

Yet for my daughter, it seemed that everything worked just as it should. As an only child, these are the types of interactions she longs for. In fact, my daughter often speaks of good friend's siblings as if they were her own, but I am not so sure she wants to have a sibling as much as she wants to be a sibling. Of course, the two go hand in hand, but there is a difference. One is about responsibility and the other is about belonging. I think my daughter would love to belong to a large family.

For all the "fun and games" that come from life in a big family, I am sure there are times when good friend would love nothing more than to trade places with my daughter, at least for the day. To be the center of attention and not have to compete for time would be a blessing, indeed. But it wouldn't take long for her to want to return home.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. There is no "right" family. The challenges of one type are the blessings of another. And while size may define, it does not determine, especially when it comes to love.

They say you don't choose your family; maybe, maybe not. I am sure for kids, it must feel that way. Let's not forget though, that many families start with a choice.

Whether choosing a spouse, choosing to have a child, or choosing to have another child after the first. Whether in a family of three or a family of seven, the most important choice one can make, is the choice to love.

You don't need love to have relatives, but its mandatory if you hope to have a family.

Michael C. DeMattos is on faculty at the University of Hawai'i, Myron B. Thompson School of Social Work. He lives in Kane'ohe with his wife, daughter, two dogs, two mice and 1,000 worms.