Hey, wanna go to a free concert and learn how to forgive the unforgivable?

Heavy stuff for a Sunday afternoon. But organizers of the 6th Hawaii Forgiveness Day believe every one of us carries around a bag of grudges, and that forgiveness heals, particularly for the aggrieved.

A quote from the Forgiveness Project's booklet puts it this way:

Holding onto anger

is like grasping a hot coal

with the intent of throwing it

at someone else;

you are the one

who gets burned.

— Buddha

So how do you put down your hot coal if there's a chance somebody is going to throw their hot coal at you ... again?

Merton Chinen, a social worker and board member of the Hawaii Forgiveness Project, says forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting. It is not about opening yourself up to being re-victimized, but moving on from the original hurt.

"Forgiveness is not about condoning what has happened," Chinen said. "One can forgive someone and yet never re-engage in a relationship with that person. ...We like to think that forgiveness allows one to be pono, and then proceed to act in ways that are pono."

Of course, not all hurts are about "what somebody did to me." Some are about wishes unfulfilled, prayers unanswered, a blow struck by fate.

"What we tend to forget when we are engrossed in suffering is that at this very moment when we are suffering this particular hurt, there are thousands if not millions of persons on our earth who have or are going through the very same experience," Chinen said in an email.

Over the years, the Forgiveness Project has honored "heroes" who were able to set aside their anger. The late police chief Michael Nakamura publicly forgave the driver who hit him though the incident caused him much suffering on top of the degenerative disease that ultimately took his life. The Makaha Sons were honored for spontaneously joining estranged band member Israel Kamakawiwoole on stage during that tear-soaked 1996 Na Hoku Hanohano Awards.

This year, Andrew Sato, the foster child from 'Aiea High School who died from leukemia earlier this year, will be remembered for his act of forgiveness. In his last months, Andrew met and forgave his birth mother who had abandoned him in a park when he was 8 years old. A documentary about Andrew's forgiveness will be previewed at the event.

Forgiveness Day will be observed this Sunday, Aug. 3 from 1-5 p.m. at the East West Center. The event is free and includes entertainment and speeches. For more information, you can call 521-9222 or go to www.hawaiiforgivenessproject.org

Lee Cataluna's column runs Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Reach her at 535-8172 or lcataluna@honoluluadvertiser.com.