With his plain-spoken approach, John Rosemond has become one of the nation's prominent parenting experts.

While his views are sometimes subject to debate, a significant number of parents swear by his advocacy of traditional parenting. And when he appears in person to give his take on the family dynamic, he draws a crowd, as he did at his last Honolulu speaking engagement.

The outspoken family psychologist, speaker, author and syndicated columnist is in Hawai'i next week to conduct parenting seminars.

www.HawaiiMoms.com had some questions for him about parenting today:

Q. Why are so many parents today having trouble raising their children?

A. We don't raise children today with the attitude or the approach used by many of our parents and our grandparents, which is the traditional paradigm. In America, we shifted our parenting paradigm and our cultural paradigm in the 1960s. Before, the paradigm was based on biblical principles, but now, parents rely on a psychological paradigm that does not work. Most of our problems are due to the fact that we no longer have the right point of view.

Q. Can you give an example of this?

A. Most parents today try to manipulate their children's behavior by rewards and punishment. Animals get rewarded or punished. But this type of behavior modification does not work on human beings.

Q. So instead of rewarding and punishing children, what should parents do?

A. They need to communicate their expectations in a way that causes the child to want to obey. With leadership communication, parents use an economy of words and are very, very decisive. They mean what they say and their communication is devoid of explanations. For instance, instead of explaining to their children why they need to pick up their toys and telling them they'll get ice cream if they clean up their rooms, parents should just say, 'I want you to pick up these toys now, and I'll be back in a few minutes to make sure.'

Q. Is there ever a time when time-outs are appropriate?

A. Time out works with children who are already well behaved. It's the weakest response ever devised by human beings. I call it trying to stop a charging elephant with a fly swatter.

Q. Do you think it's wrong for parents to try to build their children's self-esteem?

A. Bullying has become rampant in America's schools, and high self-esteem, according to research, is associated with bullying behavior.

Q. How do parents respond to your suggestions?

A. For my seminars, I do a lot of role-playing. I play the part of a parent to show parents how they are communicating with their children. This causes audiences to dissolve into laughter because they recognize what they are doing wrong. I'm not talking about anything complicated. I just tell parents how to occupy a position of leadership parenting. The minute I start talking about this stuff, parents recognize that it's right.

Q. How do you think bad parenting manifests itself in society?

A. I think we're destroying America with poor nutrition, the decline of public schools and mad parenting. And this is affirmed by what I hear from people who work at management levels of corporations. They say today's college graduates lack an appropriate work ethic and look to corporations to extend the entitlement they've enjoyed from their parents.

Q. Having been to Hawai'i several times, do you notice anything unique about parenting here?

A. My sense is that people in Hawai'i have a lot more inter-generational support, so parenting in Hawai'i adheres to a more traditional model than to a psychological model. People in Hawai'i have been very, very enthusiastic to hear what I have to say.

Q. Are there a lot of people who don't agree with what you say?

A. There are people who push back. They come up to me after a seminar and they say, "I can't tell you how angry you made me." But this does not happen very often, maybe only a few times a year. ... In general, I think parents get a lot out of what I'm saying. I get e-mails from parents who have come to my parenting presentation, and a week later, they say things changed dramatically.

I'm not saying anything new. I'm simply a messenger. All I'm doing is going in the main world and translating the traditional paradigm.

Reach Diane Seo at dseo@honoluluadvertiser.com.