KALAELOA — One hundred seventy-nine Hawai'i National Guard and Reserve soldiers returned last night from a year in Iraq, and with them came the colliding emotions of war.

Soldiers of the 100th Battalion, 442nd Infantry sang with heartfelt emotion the "Go For Broke" fight song.

Staff Sgt. Shawn Rivera, 26, from Kane'ohe reveled in being able to hold his 7-month-old son, Noah, whom he had not seen since July.

Sgt. Siatini Siatini, 33, from American Samoa, had an arm around his 7-year-old nephew, Dimitrius Faiai.

"I can't let go. I missed these guys," Siatini said. "For the whole year I missed my family, my wife, my kids."

And Theresa Inouye, amid the cheers and shouts of joy, continued to feel the heartache of the loss of her son, Sgt. Deyson K. Cariaga, who was just 20 when he was killed by a roadside bomb on July 8.

Inouye, who was with her husband, Jerry, said she was there to welcome home the troops, especially the 32 from her son's unit, the 229th Military Intelligence Company.

"I'm very, very glad that the soldiers have made it home safely. ... I just want them to know that I'm very grateful for the friendship that they shared with my son," she said.

Maj. Gen. Robert G.F. Lee, head of the Hawai'i National Guard, said welcome-home ceremonies in American Samoa, Saipan, California and last night at Kalaeloa "were a little bit empty" because of losses like the Inouyes'.

Eighteen soldiers with the Hawai'i National Guard's 29th Brigade Combat Team were killed in Iraq, Lee said. Most were from a California battalion. Two were from Saipan and one was from American Samoa. Cariaga was the only Hawai'i citizen-soldier from the brigade to be killed.

"I've promised the family of Sgt. Deyson Cariaga he will not be forgotten," Gov. Linda Lingle, her voice catching, told the crowd of nearly 1,000 in the big hangar.

Last night's flight was the 12th of 17 expected planeloads back from Kuwait and Iraq, and for most of those returning, it was pure joy.

"Got to be one of the greatest moments," Rivera said, his wife, Tina, next to him. "Get to see your son, see a bunch of smiling faces."

Iraq "is a place that's growing," said Rivera, who was at Logistics Support Area Anaconda north of Baghdad.

"Once the people get everything together, it's going to be a good country."

Siatini said Iraq, for him, was like a prison.

"We can't go home (each day). We can't have freedom," he said. "When we're in Iraq, we gotta have security everywhere we go."

Daniel Carreiro Sr. waited for Sgt. Daniel Carreiro Jr.

The 25-year-old from Kane'ohe was with the 229th along with Cariaga.

"He does classified kind of stuff. What exactly he does he can't tell us," Daniel Carreiro Sr. said.

The year was "very long," he said, especially with the death of Cariaga.

"It was really hard on us. It hits close to home," Carreiro Sr. said, adding that after going through a year in Iraq, his son "sounds like himself. He's just happy to do his job."

There is one change.

"As kids, we grew up looking at our dads as heroes. I look at my son as a hero."

Reach William Cole at wcole@honoluluadvertiser.com.